


Where We Are Now

by SpazzticRevenge



Category: Final Fantasy XIII, Final Fantasy XIII Series, Final Fantasy XIII-2
Genre: Alternate Universe, Divorce, Domestic Violence, Drama, F/M, Romance, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-10
Updated: 2017-04-14
Packaged: 2018-09-07 15:52:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 24,924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8806978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpazzticRevenge/pseuds/SpazzticRevenge
Summary: Their love wasn't infinite. Their 'forever' wasn't infallible. And it took them too long to realize that eternity wasn't everlasting.





	1. Forget the anger

**Author's Note:**

> This has been sitting in my laptop for eons now. I thought it was about time that I publish the first of the four parts, at least. I'll post the next one soon if this gets enough interest. Let me know if you like it!
> 
> Hope you enjoy and comment!

She stared into his eyes, wondering how all of this came to be. This fluttering feeling inside should have been strange. Alarming, even. The old Lightning would have noted it as a deeply concerning medical issue. But no, this fluttering wasn't new. It wasn't concerning or dangerous. It wasn't scary. It was the same feeling she got when he first confessed. When they'd gone on their first date. When those three little words slipped from her lips with such ease. When those four little words passed through his as he balanced on one knee. It was the same feeling she got every time they locked eyes.

She scoffed as he pulled the veil from her eyes. She hated the thing and its scratchy tulle, but Serah had insisted. Something about needing a little more tradition in their lives. Frankly, Lightning didn't really care. As long as it no longer hindered her view of his gorgeous emerald orbs, she supposed she could tolerate it being on her person. It was no more of an annoyance than the giant gown that was restricting her air flow. But that was okay. She wasn't breathing anyway.

Hope beamed as their eyes met once more, and she didn't think she had ever seen his smile so wide before. "I do" fell from his lips so easily. She was surprised at how automatic her own response was as she had almost cut the man off in her haste to say it. The kiss was gentle, yet passionate, reminiscent of so many times before. It wasn't the awkward and clumsy kiss they'd shared on their first date, nor was it the heated and lustful kiss they'd shared during their most intimate night together, but it was filled with that same unspoken promise every kiss held.

"This is us," Hope spoke, smile still shining, "for eternity."

Lightning could only agree.

* * *

"I'm not getting into this right now." Hope huffed and snatched up his keys from the kitchen counter, pointedly diverting his gaze to the floor. "I'm tired of fighting and I have to pick up Skye from his friend's and Faith from practice. I trust that you can handle Defiance while I'm gone?"

Lightning scoffed. "Don't talk to me like I'm some babysitter. Of course I can handle my own daughter. What kind of mother do you take me for?"

He paused in the entryway of the kitchen, considering her question and what kind of answer it deserved. An honest answer would lead to a fight, and a part of him wanted it. The tension had only been thickening between them and he was sick of bearing the brunt of the responsibility for it. "You know, I don't really know anymore." With that he walked out of the room, not at all surprised as she followed him out.

"No, you don't get to just say something like that," she snarled, hot on his heels. "Not to me. Not in _my_ house."

"Oh, now it's _your_ house?" That drew a smile to his lips. Not one out of amusement, no. Nothing was funny anymore.

"Since I was served papers in front of my men, hell yes, it's my house." They both stopped and stood in the middle of the living room. Hope needed to leave to pick up their children and Lightning needed to check on their youngest, but neither of them could move, the reality of it all hitting them all at once. They hadn't talked about it, just allowed everything to stew in the silence until it formed into the unbreakable chaos surrounding them.

The quiet was oppressive and Hope hated it. He wished he'd just kept his mouth shut and left. He was about to do just that when he was once again halted by her words.

"Snow would never ask Serah to quit teaching to become a homemaker."

He bristled and finally spun around to meet her eyes for the first time that day. "That's not what this is about! You think I would ever make such a request?" Her steely gaze was enough of a response. "You love your job. I've never once asked you to quit something you love, even if it's landed you in the hospital more times than I'm comfortable with-"

"Oh, here we go again." She crossed her arms before her chest, shaking her head as she defended herself yet again. "How many times do I have to tell you? It was a simple malfunction. I can take care of myself in the field just fine."

"Maker, that's not even the point that I'm trying to make." He sighed in exasperation, dragging a hand down his face as he stared at her. Her guarded stance was ever the same, especially when talking about work, but there was something new there. A searing anger lurked beneath her clenched jaw, her cocked hip, her squared shoulders. _Good, something other than the indifference you've been facing me with._ She was finally taking their predicament seriously, although he felt guilty for what he'd had to turn to to get it out of her.

"Your point is that I'm an irresponsible, inconsiderate parent that can't take care of my kids! And you expect me to take that lying down?!" Lightning felt her heart thundering in her ears. It wasn't stopping no matter what she did. It hadn't stopped since she'd been blindsided by a suited stranger. She couldn't believe it. They'd had arguments. They'd had fights that had left them breathless and nauseated. But he had never given up on them. She hadn't thought that there would ever come a time when he would. "When did you get the nerve?"

"We can't do this right now."

"So when are we going to talk about it? You can't just keep running away from this conversation. Using our kids to leave is pretty despicable of you."

"There's nothing left to talk about. I've tried. I asked for us to go to counseling and you practically spat in my face."

"We don't need some fucking hack to tell us how to live!"

"Maybe we do!" Hope found himself yelling once more before he remembered himself and their sleeping daughter upstairs. He was glad that their eldest weren't home. He'd been trying to keep their animosity from reaching their children, but he knew that it was only a matter of time. "Maybe _I_ do, because I can't live like this anymore…"

Lightning couldn't breathe, her lungs finding it unbelievably hard to pull in air. When she felt bile forcing its way up her throat, she ran for the kitchen. She hunched over the sink, but nothing came up. Her chest heaved and she felt like a fire had ignited under her skin. With more force than necessary she turned the cold water on and splashed it onto her face.

When her minor panic attack had subsided, she shut the water off and stared at her reflection in the faucet while she quelled her thoughts. _He's serious. He's really, actually doing this._ Some part of her had laughed at the papers that had been thrust upon her. She had stupidly thought that it was just another thing they could fight about and get over. But the look in his eyes just then said the complete opposite.

She heard him enter the kitchen behind her. Wiping her face off with a kitchen towel, she turned back to him, face impassive. If he wanted serious, she would give him serious. "You're not taking my kids from me. I'm their mother, Hope. Who do you think the judge is going to side with?"

He narrowed his eyes at her and took the challenge. "I don't know, Lightning, who are they going to side with? The one who's here more often?" He watched her mask falter, but he didn't take pleasure in it. "The one that all of the teachers and other parents know?" He hesitated with his next sentence, but it had to be said. She'd opened the door. "The one they want to live with?" He watched as her eyes misted over and pain slowly crept into her features, but she kept silent.

Hope continued as an overwhelming bitterness coated his tongue. "You're never here anymore. When was the last time you went to one of Faith's recitals or competitions? Or one of Skye's games?" Time and time again he'd watched the disappointment and sorrow eclipse his children's expressions because of their absent parent. It wasn't fair that their best days and performances were always overshadowed by an unwavering sadness. "When was the last time you helped Defiance through one of her nightmares?" She didn't answer, her face pinched as she held herself. He was hurting her, he knew that. She had been hurting their children and it was about time that she felt some of it. "Did you even know our baby girl was being bullied over the past couple of weeks?"

Lightning's eyes widened as a tear made its way down her cheek. She wanted to speak, to prove him wrong, but it all caught in the back of her throat until she nearly choked on it. She gasped in a breath and covered her mouth.

"I don't intend to take our children away from their mother. Shared custody would be best all around – if you can commit, that is."

Another dig. It had her clenching her fists as she finally began to temper her emotions.

"I don't want to fight, Lightning. But I will if I have to… And I will win." He let the silence cement his certainty before continuing. "Now I'm going to go. I'll be bringing them back in a couple of hours. I promised Faith we'd get ice cream." Beginning his stride out of the room, Hope was forced to stop suddenly as something sharp flew in front of his face. It cut through the air and embedded itself into the wall only centimeters from his nose. Swallowing, he glanced at the object only to find their chef's knife glinting back at him.

Lightning's shoulders heaved with fury, the knife having left her hand out of a desperate impulse to get him to stop. "We're not finished with this conversation."

She kept talking, but Hope could only stare at the steel blade that had come so close to his face. It had sliced right through the middle of their calendar, one that their daughter had made, filled with all of the pictures of their family. The sharp point was stuck right in the center of their last family portrait, right between him and Lightning.

He swallowed once more, trying to battle the growing dryness parching his throat. Somehow, he managed to speak, the words coming out in a croak.

"Yes, we are."

He left quickly after that.

* * *

They didn't speak of it again, but their argument hadn't wandered far from their thoughts. Every glance they shared was super charged, electrified by thousands of words that were carefully tucked into the corners of their minds. They kept up the act at home, playing their parts like actors in a play. The animosity was hidden behind tight-lipped smiles and innocuous, idle chatter that stayed far from the topic that was practically singing to be released.

Even with their performances, the kids were catching on. Skye kept giving them worried glances, eyes flitting from one parent to the other, but he never said a thing. He didn't have to. Faith was more upfront, but it didn't help that she'd witnessed her mother purposely break a few dishes when she was supposed to have been playing in the yard. It certainly didn't help when she found her father at his desk, hunched over one of his papers with an alarming wetness to his eyes.

She barged into his study, and Hope hastily wiped away all traces from his face before shoving the document in a drawer. "Faith, honey, you know not to enter a room without knocking." She didn't falter at his stern, fatherly tone, instead she strode forward, her expression and gait denoting nothing but seriousness. It was almost adorable how earnest she looked considering her age and Hope had to ignore the stab that struck his heart. It didn't matter how everyone said that she took after her father, that look betrayed every statement ever made. That was a little Lightning right there.

"Why are you crying?"

"I wasn't-"

"Lies are bad, daddy."

Seven years of age and she was sharp as a tack. "Yes, they are." Giving his situation some quick thought, he pushed his chair back and patted his lap, waiting until Faith settled on his knee. He stared down into her tiny blue eyes and pushed the silver hair from her face as he tried to find a way to dance around the truth without technically lying because, yes, lies were bad. "Daddy's just sad, is all."

"Like mommy?"

His breath hitched. "Yeah… like mommy." Faith tucked herself closer to his side, wrapping her arms around him. He had to wonder who was comforting who. "There's a lot of icky, adult stuff going on right now, okay? Mommy and daddy are fine, we just need to sort some things out."

"You're not gonna leave?"

"Wha- Why do you think that?" Hope pulled Faith enough away from his middle to look into her face. "Where did you hear such a thing?"

"Reim said his mommy and daddy were sad and fighting all the time. Then Reim's daddy stopped coming home and his mommy said they don't need his daddy anymore." Faith's bottom lip shuddered and tears began to cascade down her little cheeks, but she carried on valiantly. "Reim said you're gonna leave, too."

Hope's jaw fell and he couldn't find the words to respond as Faith buried her face back against his stomach. He could soon feel a wet patch seeping into his shirt and he hugged her closer.

"I don't want you to leave! I don't wanna be like Reim! I told him you'd never leave and mommy'd never say that, but he just pushed me in the dirt and called me a crybaby!"

She started sobbing, clutching onto his shirt with all the might she had housed in her little body. Hope finally managed to snap himself out of his stupor. "Hey… Hey, I'm not going anywhere." He patted her back and rocked her as well as he could in his office chair. As his little girl clung to his middle, Hope couldn't believe how horribly he and Lightning had screwed up. "I want you to know, Faith, that I'm always going to be here. No matter what happens, I'm always here, got it, pumpkin head?"

Sniffling, Faith pulled herself away from him and shoved her hand in his face, pinky outstretched. "Promise?"

Hope chuckled. "Promise." He entwined their pinkies and she gave a loud giggle as she went in to hug him again. "Now why don't I have a talk with Reim's mommy? Pushing and calling names is also bad, huh?"

Faith nodded, but hesitated. "You should talk to _my_ mommy first."

His children would never cease to amaze him.

* * *

Skye was giving Hope the silent treatment. Hope had yet to notice, he could be oblivious at times even with his own children, but Lightning picked up on it right away. Any time Hope asked for help with any of the chores around the house, the ten year old would do so, but with a grumpy frown on his face and his lips tightly shut. Whenever Hope would ask the kids what they wanted, whether it be for dinner or what to watch, Skye would just sit there until Lightning would cut in and ask his opinion. Only then would he speak. It didn't take a genius to figure out something was wrong, just an intuitive mother.

She checked briefly on Defiance, seeing her happily coloring in one of her color by number books in her room, before making her way to Skye's bedroom. It was shut, a metal sign hanging on the door with "KEEP OUT" written in bright red. She knocked twice without hearing a response. It was no surprise; she could hear the video game he was playing with perfect clarity. Opening the door, she came to find her son lounging on his bed, controller in hand as he played one of his old favorites. Lightning had never been fond of the game. She couldn't understand what a hedgehog would want with jewelry.

"Don't you have homework to do?"

"Ever heard of knocking?"

Lightning cocked a brow. "If you weren't blasting your eardrums out you would have heard me."

Skye rolled his eyes as he paused his game. "I was going to get to my math eventually."

"You mean you were going to do it right now?"

He gave a resigned sigh, pushing a hand through his roseate hair as he shoved his controller to the side. "Yeah, that's what I said. Can't you hear?" Pulling up his neglected homework from the floor, Skye sat back against his headboard. "You've been home a lot lately," he spoke offhandedly as he gave her a quick glance.

Shutting the door behind her, she came to sit on the edge of his bed. "Yeah, well, someone's gotta be here to make sure you get your work done. Your father can be too much of a pushover." His face pinched in response. "I took some time off. Figured I could use it." _We all could, apparently._ Her gaze travelled over her son as he worked on a few problems, noting the sheer size of him. He'd grown so much in such a small amount of time and she had to take stock of the differences that she should have noticed sooner.

He was taller, maybe a good two inches taller than the last time she had paid his height any mind. His features were becoming more prominent, the gentle slope of his nose and the curve of his cheekbones reminding her sharply of her husband. His hair was longer, a little too unruly for her taste and she made a mental note to make a hair appointment sometime soon. There was just so much, too much and Lightning wondered, really _wondered_ , if what Hope was saying had merit.

_Hope… right._ She'd come here with a mission and had nearly forgot. "Skye, why are you not speaking to your dad? "

"Why are you guys fighting?"

"I asked first," she replied after a beat, sticking out her tongue.

The boy looked up, catching his mother's childish action and returning it before becoming serious. He seemed to mull over his response for a few moments. "I just… it's dad's fault, isn't it? You guys are fighting because of something he did, right?"

"What makes you think that?"

"I heard him talking to Uncle Snow and Maqui, saying that if he had to make you mad, he would."

Lightning scowled, muscles tensing as she readied to go beat the crap out of her husband, but Skye wasn't finished.

"He said he was tired of you choosing your job over our family…"

The anger quickly left her after that. She turned back to her son, now seeing his downcast expression. "Do you think that, too? That I work too much?"

Skye quickly shook his head, sitting up on his knees. "No, not at all!" Lightning eyed him, disbelieving. He deflated at her stare. "Only a little. I mean, I'd like it if you were home a little more, and maybe if you came to some of my games, but… I like your job. It's kinda cool having a mom in the Guardian Corps. And the moves you can pull off are really bad ass!"

As much as her heart warmed to the pride in his tone, she couldn't help the need to reprimand him for his tongue. "Language," she scolded, poking him in the forehead. "Where did you even- Snow taught you that, didn't he?"

"It's not like I wouldn't have learned it from my friends, mom. And I learned it from Gadot two years ago. As if I would really learn anything from a dumb ass like Snow."

" _Skye Alexander Estheim_." She thumped him again on the forehead, but couldn't hide her laughter. "Way to throw Gadot to the Lobos."

His eyes got comically huge, as if he'd just realized his mistake. "No, I remember now! It really _was_ Snow! Please don't hurt uncle Gadot!"

Lightning laughed harder before pulling the little liar in for a hug. "I'll make you a deal. You get that math homework done and I _may_ just spare him. Maybe."

Skye groaned, pulling away from his mom's side with a pout. "Fine. What did I do to deserve such torture?"

"And… our fight is about much more than just something your father did. As adorable as it is, I don't need you going into a silent battle for me. Stop treating him with such disrespect. Got it, soldier?"

He nodded, albeit reluctantly. "I'm not adorable," he grumbled, face twisted in disgust.

"You keep telling yourself that."

* * *

They waited until all of the kids had been put to bed before finally broaching the subject again. They sat in the living room, simply staring at each other as the minutes ticked by. Lightning chose to speak first.

"Skye knows we're fighting."

"I'm not surprised. He's ten, and very intuitive. Faith knows, too. She-" he paused, calming himself down as just the thought of his conversation with his daughter caused his lungs to constrict. "She thought I was leaving."

"You are, aren't you?" At Hope's appalled face, she continued. "That's what a divorce means, Hope. It means one of us is leaving and it most certainly isn't me."

"What do you expect me to do? Just let our household continue to crumble from the inside out? If you haven't noticed, there's a lot of resentment and anger and sadness all just building up around here. It's like a parasite slowly eating away at our family until, eventually, there won't be anything left."

"What kind of worthless simile is that?" Before Hope could defend himself, she held up a finger, stopping him in his tracks. "Nothing is wrong with our family. At least there wasn't anything wrong until you had me served!"

He bit his tongue, holding back an easy retort. He needed to stop this before it could spiral into another useless argument. "I think we need to just start being frank with each other, get everything out in the open, and then try to find a way to solve whatever issues there are. Elida said that was-"

"Elida?" Lightning spoke, incredulous. "Why the hell would you bring up Elida?"

"She went through something similar with her husband a couple years ago," Hope replied, purposely ignoring the hostility. "They managed to avoid a divorce and are happier than ever now. I thought her advice would be helpful for us."

"Happier than ever, huh?" She crossed her arms, sitting back into the couch as she narrowed her eyes at him. Just the thought of Hope and that woman speaking about their private, personal matters made her mouth taste like ash. "Does her husband know about your little heartfelt talks? No? I don't think he'd be so _happy_ if he did."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means that you may not have slept with her, but you might as well. You're already having an emotional affair with the woman. Why not make it more official?!"

"Excuse me?" An angry red rose to his cheeks as his fists balled at his sides. "I can't believe you would ever accuse me of such a thing? And where in the world did you get that term from? 'Emotional affair…'" Hope repeated with confusion and a lilt of disdain. "Serah?"

"Jihl was-"

"Great, because Jihl is the best person to get advice from. I'm surprised you haven't castrated me yet if you're listening to her."

"I'm surprised, too." She put a hand to her forehead, attempting to rub out the tension. "But that doesn't detract from the point."

"No, it doesn't, but it does point out an important issue. Your jealousy is concerning."

"J-jealousy?" she sputtered. "I'm _not_ jealous. You both are just way too close for a pair of old classmates."

"Really? Then answer this. Would the nature of our relationship bother you if she were a man?"

"Well, there's Noel."

Hope gaped. "That was years ago! And he's happily married to Yeul."

"Still."

"Besides, you can hardly talk with the way Raines is around you."

"Cid is a colleague-"

"A colleague that has propositioned you multiple times, even within my presence."

"He was joking."

Waving the comment off, he sat forward, meeting her gaze with concern. "It still happened. Cid Raines has a reputation. I'd be a fool not to call your interaction into question."

"He also has a wife."

"Yeah, and that just makes my point for me."

"Etro, I need a drink." Lightning couldn't have made it to the kitchen faster. Although some alcohol sounded damn good, what she really needed was some fresh air. It was stifling in there. Their flaring tempers were going to give her a migraine. Or worse, wake the kids.

Hope entered the room just as she took her second sip. "Why does any mention of Cid always have to lead to an argument?"

"Why does Elida?"

"Because I don't like how she is with you."

"Right back at you."

"Ugh." She brought the bottle against her face, relishing in the cold numbness it brought to her skin.

"The consumption of alcohol during discussions is counterproductive."

"Is that another thing you learned from Elida?" she snapped, receiving a glare in return. "Can we just not talk about her?"

"Don't you trust me?"

She brought her attention back to him, noting the hurt swimming in his eyes and the exasperation in his tone.

"You don't like Elida, fine. But don't you trust me enough to know that I would never touch anyone but you? That I would never _want_ anyone but you?"

His words drew her into a pause, her heart once again hammering in her chest. _What are we doing?_ Even though she knew it was wrong, that it would drive even more of a wedge between them, she couldn't stop the words from slipping from her tongue like a curse. "What if I said no?"

His first instinct was to leave. He wanted to leave and just pretend that he hadn't heard what she'd just said, because there was no way his wife had said that she didn't trust him. "God dammit, Lightning! Why? What have I done to not deserve your trust? I'm the one that's always here! I'm the one that's here for our kids and for you. I'm always here even when you're not! I'm here when you could be off doing maker knows what with Cid-"

Lightning slapped him, the sting searing into her palm. "Don't you dare."

He turned away from her as he brought a hand to his cheek, unable to meet her eyes. "So is this how it is now? I do something you disagree with so you feel the need to physically stop me?"

"Don't be absurd."

"You threw a knife at me, Lightning. We've been together for a lot of years, been through so much, and you've never used violence against me. _Never_."

"Oh, Please. You're being dramatic. We both know it wasn't going to hit you. That wasn't my intention. You just weren't sto-"

"A knife, Lightning." He finally allowed their gazes to meet, unashamed of the immense amount of pain evident in his expression. "A knife. It doesn't matter if it was your intention to hit me. You could have."

She didn't say anything. He didn't think he would have listened even if she had. His eyes caught on the new hole in their calendar and he cringed. "Maker, who are you? My Lightning would never…" He couldn't finish. Instead he grabbed his keys from their perch and made his way to the door without even a glance back, grabbing his bag he'd had waiting just in case.

"I'm staying at Maqui's."

The slamming of the door echoed around her for hours after that.


	2. Forget the fight

Hope didn't return the next day, but left a brief message on her voicemail saying that he was going to be staying another night at Maqui's. Lightning's mind immediately translated that to what it really meant. _Another night away from me, you mean._

Lightning pretended that everything was fine, that she wasn't falling apart at the seams. Per Skye's request, she and the kids attempted to make homemade pizzas for dinner, which as a testament to Lightning's cooking skills, or lack thereof, turned out to be a monumental disaster. To rectify the situation, they ordered a pizza instead and watched a family movie in the living room together. Since this family time included Defiance, they gave her the choice, as was the custom of the house. They ended up watching some Disney movie that had both Lightning and Skye bored out of their minds.

It had been a good day and Lightning could say with pride that Hope's empty spot at their sides was largely ignored. By the kids, at least. It was after the three had gone to bed and she was left with a silent house that she felt herself begin to crack. Hope was gone. He had left the house, left their kids, left her _._

He'd be back. She knew that. It was only temporary. She knew that, too. But she also knew that, if the divorce became official, if they couldn't work through their differences, this was going to be a regular occurrence. And she couldn't handle that.

A good half hour was spent on the couch trying to breathe. She sat there, a pillow to her face as she attempted to keep herself calm, tried to keep her dark, depressed thoughts at bay. It wasn't working and the pillow against her mouth was making it even harder to breathe, but pulling it away meant disillusionment. Her eyes would only be met with an empty, quiet living room and her predicament would only get worse.

When thirty minutes quickly turned into an hour, Lightning found that she couldn't take it anymore. The silence was haunting her, strangling her with all of her regrets and self-blame. With trembling fingers, she dialed their usual babysitter. Nena was a quiet girl, but she had a way with kids and a non-existent social life that allowed her to be available at almost any hour.

Lightning's explanation and instructions were rushed and nearly unintelligible. Nena had to politely ask her to clarify her words a minimum of three times, Lightning only getting more distraught as time passed. The girl was clearly caught off guard, her violet eyes wide with concern and sympathy as she tried and failed to keep her shock from reaching her voice. Lightning never lost composure in front of others, much less got _emotional_ in front of their teenage babysitter, but the roseate figured her pride could beat her up for it later.

By the time she made it to her car her shaking had gotten worse and the sky had begun to drizzle. It took her two attempts to unlock the driver's door and getting the key into the ignition proved the ultimate challenge. Her hand was shaking too much, reducing her usual deadly accuracy so much so that she missed the ignition four times before the keys finally slipped from her grasp and clattered to the floor. Heaving an exhausted sigh, Lightning rested her head against the steering wheel and, once again, tried to calm down.

The light rain became an all-out pour as she got to her destination. She got out of the car, slamming it shut with more force than necessary as she pulled her jacket closer to herself. She silently cursed the fact that she hadn't thought to grab a coat with a hood. Making it about three steps from her car, Lightning stopped, an instant pool of regret sinking into her stomach as she stood there. _I shouldn't be here. I don't need to screw things up more._

After a quick yank on her car door handle, Lightning found it wouldn't open. With wide eyes and a whispered, "no way," Lightning swiftly checked her pockets only to come up empty. A glance through her window told her what she already knew.

"Fuck!" With a rough cry, she kicked at the door of her car not once, not twice, but four times, unsurprised to see a dent when she was done. She sank down onto the ground, the wet rocks of the driveway digging into her knees as she finally let her tears run freely. Instead of fussing over herself and her pathetic crying, she stared at the new blemish on her otherwise pristine vehicle. "Great, just another example of how much of a shitty person I am."

"Lightning?"

The creak of a screen door accompanied the call and her eyes widened as she recognized the soft voice. She scrambled for her car, pulling, tugging, yanking on her door to get it open. She didn't want to be seen like this, but apparently the universe wanted to have some more fun with her.

"Lightning, what are you doing here?"

The rain stopped falling over her and she was vaguely able to recognize that the cause was the umbrella now held over her head. Her sister was at her side, no doubt looking down on her in more ways than one. "I'm fine, Serah. Please just go back inside. I didn't mean to come here." Maybe she hadn't. Maybe in her overly emotional state she'd driven into a tree and died. _Yeah, maybe I died and this is hell._ The shame rushing to her cheeks certainly made it feel like hell.

"I'm not about to leave my drenched sister abandoned in my driveway."

Lightning cringed, the word 'abandoned' ringing in her ears. She looked up to find her sister's calm, but severely worried gaze and waved her off. "Don't mind me. I'm just having another breakdown and giving Hope more reasons to take my kids away from me."

"What?!" Serah began tugging Lightning up and off the ground, coaxing her inside. "C'mon, it's hard to hear you in all this rain. I can't possibly have heard you right."

Lightning was effectively dragged into the house. Despite her sister's petite form and warm demeanor, there was a lot of strength and stubbornness entwined with her motherly nature. Three little pairs of eyes met her own from across the room, and Lightning attempted to fold into herself more. The last thing she needed was for her niece and nephews to see her in such disarray.

"Nora, take your brothers upstairs and go back to bed. It was just your aunt."

Serah's tone allowed for no questions or complaints. The three scampered back up the stairs whence they came and left Lightning with only her sister once more.

"Sorry, Zen thought he heard something outside and came and got us. We thought there was a burglar or something…"

"Thought I was going to have to scare off some punks, but it was just you."

She had missed Snow's presence apparently. She turned to find Snow sitting on the edge of his recliner, inquisitive blue orbs roving over her form. It made her feel more than a little self-conscious.

"Man, Sis… Tough day?"

Lightning snorted, sending over a half-hearted glare. "Your tact never ceases to amaze me."

"Mr. Sensitive, at your service."

"You don't have a sensitive bone in your body, you overgrown buffoon."

"Pot meets kettle."

"Alright, you two. Cool it." Ever the mediator, Serah stepped in. "Snow, why don't you head back up without me. We're obviously in need of some sister time."

The blond stood up with a stretch, his back popping loudly in response. "Sure, babe," he replied with a yawn. "Holler if ya need me."

After the man retreated back to his room, Serah was immediately back in her space. "I can take off my own jacket, thank you." Serah paid her comment no mind, instead stripping her of her soaked overcoat and handing her a towel.

"I'll make some tea. Just relax and don't you dare think about trying to escape."

Serah knew her too well. Lightning begrudgingly sat on the couch as she attempted to towel off her hair and dampened skin. A quick sneeze caught her off guard. _Yes, give me a cold. That's exactly what I need in my life right now._

Taking her thoughts away from that unpleasant idea, she let her eyes sweep across the living room of her sister's home. Everything was much the same. Her gaze scanned the walls and the many pictures that painted them. Every frame showcased at least one member of the family, some even held pictures of her own. A deep envy settled uncomfortably within her as she spied their latest family portrait. Snow, Serah, their eldest and the twins all looked so happy and loving. _Ever the perfect family…_

When Serah rejoined her in the room, she found Lightning curled into herself, her feet drawn up onto the couch with her chin resting on her knees and her arms wrapped around them. "Here."

Lightning took the tea, staring into it for a few brief seconds before taking a sip and holding the cup between her freezing palms. She sighed at the slight warmth it brought her.

"Now, why don't you-"

"I ruined our family portrait," Lightning spoke.

"Your what?"

"The picture of all of us together on the calendar Faith made," she clarified, "I ruined it."

"Well, that's not a big deal. You can just-"

"With a knife."

Serah paused as her eyebrows rose. "How did-"

"Because I threw it at Hope."

Serah's eyes widened as she gaped, before she remembered herself and schooled her features. She tried to speak, but it was obvious that she didn't really know what to say. "We all know you can have quite the, ah… temper. Besides, you've thrown worse at Snow-"

"That's not the point!" Lightning unfurled herself and jumped up from her spot, unable to sit still. "Hope's right. I've never done anything like that to him before! I just couldn't- He was going to leave and I- I had no choice but to-" She ran a hand through her messy strands, drawing in a deep breath. "Why is this happening?" She dropped her face into her hand, unable to continue.

"Claire…" Serah got up and eased Lightning back into her seat. She drew her hands away from her face, assuring eye contact. "I take it you guys had a fight?"

Lightning clicked her tongue. "We've been doing nothing _but_ fight." She looked down at her sister, the concern etched into her brow, and was struck with a question. Who else besides Snow and Maqui had Hope gone to about this? "Did you know?"

"Know what?"

"That he was so unhappy?"

Serah sat back into the couch, eyes downcast as she thought of a way to answer. Before she could, Lightning spoke again, her voice more than a little hoarse.

"That he was going to file for divorce?"

"Divorce?!"

Lightning flinched. "Yeah, he had some lawyer serve me papers about three weeks ago."

"Of course I didn't know he was thinking of divorcing you! What is that man doing?! Divorce! That's just-" Serah scowled and Lightning almost found it amusing. It was usually quite the task to get the youngest Farron so riled. "I love Hope, Lightning, you know I do, but he's a moron. You don't just quit on a marriage, especially not with three kids. You just don't."

"The whole marriage as a duty thing, huh?" she replied, tone flat. "That's not exactly what I want here, Serah."

"Oh, I know that, but," she backpedaled. "Did he at least tell you why? Have you guys even attempted to work through… whatever it is you need to overcome?"

"He… He says I'm not home enough, and I'm beginning to see that but," a rising anger hitched into her voice, "It's like he thinks I don't care enough about my family. Like I'm choosing to abandon my kids! Which is ridiculous. I would never abandon them, but-"

"You love your job, too. Right, sis? You don't know how to give up doing what you love?"

She collapsed back into her seat, almost annoyed at how easily her sister could read her. "This was never a problem before. Hope said he was fine with working less and taking care of the kids more. It's been our arrangement since Faith was born. I don't know why this is coming up now, of all times."

"You have to admit," Serah began, treading lightly, "that you've been working more and more often over the years. I can't even remember the last time you were here for one of the family barbeques. Sazh was just saying that he missed seeing you."

"Your point?"

"My point is, Claire, that maybe you just haven't realized what you're doing. You can get a little lost in your work…"

"So, what, this is all _my_ fault?! I basically asked for this? I decide to be the main breadwinner and that makes me a bad mother?!" Lightning snarled.

"That is _not_ what I said. Don't get defensive, Lightning. Just listen-"

"I knew I shouldn't have come here."

"Hey!" Serah yelled. "You don't get to just disregard what you don't want to hear!" Lightning stopped readying to leave, giving her sister a wide eyed stare. "I never said this was entirely your fault, just that you should know that you're at least partly to blame."

"That's so much better."

" _Lightning_ ," Serah breathed. "I think this is completely stupid and I'm really disappointed in Hope for how he's handling this, but he's not entirely wrong here."

Slumping back down into the recliner across from the couch, the eldest Farron shook her head at herself. Here she was getting reprimanded by her little sister about her own family troubles. This really was the equivalent of hell.

"Being a working mother is all well and good. It's great, even, and you have the complete right to do so. You just can't forget that you have a family along with a career. It can be hard to juggle everything, I know. _Trust me_ , I know." Serah gave a small, rueful smile. "I've had to give up some of my kids' biggest milestones because I chose to keep teaching. I didn't even get to see Zane's first steps!" She heaved in a breath after speaking of one of her biggest regrets. Taking Lightning's face into her hands, she stared deeply into blue irises that were so much like their own mother's had been. "But just because you miss some things, it doesn't mean you have to miss everything. You have to be there for dinner, at least, so you can listen to them rant and rave about their day and their friends and their troubles. You have to be at some of their performances and games, their little moments that are so _big_ in their eyes. You have to spend time with them, so times with their mother can be etched into their memories for the rest of their lives. Loving your kids isn't enough. You have to show it."

Lightning let it all sink in, wondering where her sister had gotten all of her motherly wisdom from. It certainly hadn't been passed down in the family, that was for sure. "But how can I-"  
"It's not too late."

"It's not?" she asked, her voice small and fragile.

"No, it's not. As for Hope," she let go of her sister's cheeks and began to pace in front of her.

Lightning watched her go back and forth, more than a little concerned at the length of time that had begun to pass. She was beginning to think it was hopeless. She still had a shot at being a good mom, which was good to hear, but… "I'm still going to lose him, aren't I?" Her question got Serah to stop pacing, but she didn't say anything. Lightning bit her lip, teeth worrying at the edges of the skin as her gaze fell to the ground.

"You missed your last two anniversaries."

Lightning's eyes widened as her head shot up. She hadn't even thought about it. Of course, she hadn't taken much stock in the whole anniversary thing in the first place. But at the disapproval in Serah's tone, she knew it shouldn't have mattered.

"You know how I know?" Serah paused, hand on her hip as she looked down at her sister's lost expression. "Because Hope was here for them, trying to figure out why his wife didn't care enough about him to show up!" Serah sniffed, containing her emotions as best she could. She'd felt so bad for him every time he'd shown up a literal mess at their door because of his wife's lack of presence. In hindsight, she supposed she should have seen this coming. "He loves you, Claire! Why didn't you…"

The tears formed in her eyes and easily overflowed at Serah's exclamation. She got it now. She finally got it. Everyone could stop yelling at her now. She hadn't been there enough. Not for her kids and certainly not for her husband. But how was she supposed to fix it now? Hope had all but given up on them. She couldn't do this. She couldn't just watch him walk away, but did she really have a choice? Lightning curled into herself as the sobs racked her frame. She felt a pair of arms wrap around her, but she didn't quite care for her sister's comfort right then.

"Hope's not like you," Serah said as Lightning quieted. "You're happy as long as you have someone to sleep next to every night. You thrive on security. Knowing he's there is enough for you. Hope… Hope thrives on romance. On spending time with you. On all of the fanciful trimmings and planning dates down to the last detail. He likes to show you off at the Academy dinners and take you on extravagant dates to show that he cares for you. Yeah, it's all more for him than for you, but that's marriage. A series of compromises."

Lightning laughed despite herself. It was true. Hope always liked the big surprises, the wining and dining. It tended to aggravate and embarrass her more often than not, but she couldn't say that she wasn't touched by his thoughtfulness and devotion. It surprised the hell out of her when it didn't stop after their marriage or even after their first child. They were together, bound in more ways than one. She didn't understand what all of the wooing was for when they were already firmly official.

"Talk to him. All he really wants to know is that you still love him. That you're willing to be there for him. So talk to him. Please?

At Serah's pleading, she pulled away and was stunned to find tears trailing down her sister's pale cheeks as well.

"I hate seeing you this way, Sis, and I couldn't stand to lose any more of this family."

Lightning nodded, a refreshed determination washing over her. "Yeah... Yeah, okay."

"And I promise to sock him next time I see him for even _thinking_ of the word divorce."

Lightning chuckled, hugging her again. "He won't suspect a thing." Her sister didn't like to resort to violence, but she had quite the right hook. All that self-defense training she'd taken in college, she supposed. "As much as I despise the thought of it, I may need your husband's help getting into my car."

"I can help with that!" Lightning rose a skeptical brow. "Don't give me that look. I've locked myself out of my car enough to be a pro by now. The principal doesn't even look twice at me breaking into my own car." This earned a chuckle and Serah scrunched up her nose in indignation. "Hey, at least I'm self-sufficient!"

* * *

Hope slumped against the door as he shut it behind himself, dead tired after his string of meetings he'd had to endure all morning. He was contemplating a nap at his desk when he jumped at the sight of his wife in his chair. "Lightning," He put a hand over his heart, quickly calming its erratic palpitations. "How did you even get in here?"

_What? Thought you could hide from me at work?_ Lightning stopped herself from speaking those words out loud. Serah had advised that she curb her antagonistic comments. "Alyssa let me in."

Hope nodded, a little perturbed that the blonde hadn't given him any warning. "What do you want, Lightning? I'm a little busy here, so…"

"When are you coming home?"

"I just need some time, alright?"

"It's been three days, Hope. That seems like a lot of time to me."

His jaw clenched as he came to lean against his desk. He hadn't meant for so much time to pass, just every time he went to leave he thought about the inevitable argument that would ensue. He was tired of the fighting, of the disappointment and anger.

"If…" She swallowed past the lump forming in her throat. "If this is because you're afraid of me now or something, I promise it won't happen again. And I'm sorry for making you feel that way."

Hope gave a small smile as he walked around his desk to meet her at her side. "I don't _fear_ you, Lightning. I guess I was just shocked, is all. I was used to you assaulting other people," he added with a laugh, but it died in his throat, "just not me."

"I'm sorry."

"To tell you the truth, that's not what bothers me the most here. Not even close."

She figured as much, but it didn't change how bad she felt about it. Lightning looked over at her husband as he stared at the wall, taking in his disheveled clothes and the dark discoloration lingering beneath his eyes. This was taking quite a toll on him as well, it seemed. "I do trust you, Hope."

"Then why would you say that you didn't?" he asked, his expression akin to a kicked puppy. "It's only been three days, you know. Not a lot of time for you to change your mind about something like this…"

"I didn't mean it in the first place-"

"A part of you did or you wouldn't have said it-"

"Will you let me finish?!" He stopped talking, pursing his lips as he put his hands up in surrender. "I just asked what if, and I know that's a flimsy excuse. I think I just wanted to get a rise out of you. See what you'd do."

"Well, were you satisfied with my reaction?"

"No." Three nights in a cold, half-empty bed was not what she had wanted. But, in all fairness, it had been a reality she deserved. "No, I wasn't."

It grew quiet again before a swift knock upon the door stole their attention. "Yes?" Hope called.

Alyssa popped her head in, a sympathetic expression in place as she looked between the two of them. "Sorry to interrupt, Hope, but…"

"The demonstration in twenty, yeah, I remember. Thank you, Alyssa."

"Of course."

He let the door fall shut and waited until he could no longer hear her footsteps before turning his attention back to his wife. "Hate to cut this short, but I'm on a bit of a tight schedule. I haven't been in much lately so Alyssa's packed a lot on my plate."

Lightning nodded and stood from Hope's chair. Before he could think of reclaiming his seat, she blocked his path and remained only a few feet from him. "Come home tonight. We need to talk things out," she paused and emphasized, "like _civil_ people."

"Alright," he replied with a half-smile. Lightning waited for a moment more, somewhat lingering in his space, before giving a curt nod and leaving. Hope sat down after she left and dropped his head to his desk, drawing in a much needed breath. "No more hiding, Estheim." He sat back to work only to face Lightning's half of the divorce papers that laid there not only unsigned, but torn in half. He broke out in a small bout of laughter at the sight.

"And no more running."

* * *

"Are you sure you wanna leave?"

Hope glanced up from packing his bag to see Maqui in front of him. "Don't act like I haven't overstayed my welcome. I'm sure you and Yuj want to get back to your normal lives by now. I'm only a nuisance on your couch."

"Well, sure, but that doesn't mean you have to go. Especially if you're not ready."

"I should have been ready before now. I should have just…" Hope shoved a hand through his hair, tugging on the ends in frustration. "I thought I knew what I was doing. What I was getting myself into." The look on Lightning's face during their last argument immediately came to mind, as did Faith's tear-stained one. "Guess not."

"All I can say is that I can't believe it's you that's leaving and not the other way around."

Hope scowled, turning to look at his traitor of a best friend.

"What?" Maqui shrugged. "C'mon, man. Everyone knows how much you love her, how much you always have. It was weird, not gonna lie." The mechanic snorted as Hope tried to cuff him over the head. He ducked it, scrambling towards the other side of the couch. "No one thought you, of all people, were going to be the one to finally break through her barriers. It was a shock when you guys started going out, even more so when you got married, but after seeing you guys together... It made sense." Brow furrowing, he found himself almost annoyed at the conversation he was having. Hope was wrong. He and Lightning splitting up was like Snow and Serah separating. It was just wrong, unheard of. "You guys make sense, and this… This just doesn't," he finished lamely, unable to put it any other way.

Hope's hands stopped mid motion as he considered Maqui's words. Once upon a time, he had thought the same thing. When Lightning had finally begun to look at him, to accept his feelings and form her own, Hope had decided then and there that that was it for him. His life with Lightning was going to be his forever. Even if she didn't want the whole nine yards of wedding bells and children, he would take what he could get, because he loved her. Now, here he was with Lightning, a white picket fence and all that came with it, and he couldn't figure out where that lovesick sap had gone.

"You look like you've made up your mind already. Don't you think you should give it more time? Talk more with her? I thought this was supposed to just get her attention. I thought you weren't actually serious about this."

He hadn't been. He was just so sick of being second to her job. Watching his wife treat their family, their life together, like they were so insignificant that they didn't require her time and attention, made him unbelievably angry and he was too tired to deal with it all anymore. It shouldn't have been so easy to speak with an attorney and get everything drafted. It shouldn't have been, but it was. Signing his name should have been like ripping out his own heart. It should have been, but it wasn't.

"I don't understand why you can't work things out."

"You know how many times we've 'worked things out'?" He shut his bag up and slumped down on the couch. There had been so many times he'd just let everything go. So many times she'd made promises she didn't keep. Times even _he_ broke a promise or two, out of pain and stupidity. "All it ever does is save it all up for next time." And there had been a lot stored up for this round.

His phone rang out from his pocket. He cringed as he pulled it out, immediately letting it go to voicemail.

"Lightning?"

"Nope," he replied, only mildly relieved. It wasn't Lightning, but it was someone else he wasn't really keen on talking to.

"Your dad again?" Hope nodded and Maqui blew out a sigh. He didn't understand his friend's need to constantly dodge his problems. Of course, he wasn't one to talk. "Just answer it. He could have some good advice, or better yet, he could set you straight."

"I already know what he's going to say. I don't want to hear it. Especially from him."

"I know you guys have had your differences, but just talk to him." Maqui made his way to the hallway, ignoring Hope's pleading stare to not leave him alone with his phone. "I need to head out to _Lenora's_. Call me tomorrow. Let me know how everything goes and if I'll be adding you to the lease."

"But-"

"Just talk to him!"

"Fine. I didn't want to talk to you anyway," he grumbled, dialing his father's number.

_"You know, I thought long and hard about ignoring you back, but I actually need to speak with you."_

"Hi, dad."

_"How long were you planning on ducking my calls?"_

"Only until you remembered to mind your own business."

His father scoffed. _"A divorce, huh?"_

"Yeah, I really don't want to know how you found out, nor do I want to discuss this right now. "

_"Serah told me."_

Hope let his head fall back into the couch, peeved and more than a little embarrassed. _So it's already making its way around the family. Great._ He could imagine the younger Farron hadn't taken that well. But he could deal with that later. "It's not official. Yet."

_"I know. I think she called me so I could convince you of the error in your ways. She gives me far too much credit."_

"I'm sure she did. I don't know why she didn't just call me, but what would be the fun in that?"

_"Would you have answered if she did?"_

He stayed silent.

_"I believe you just answered your own question."_

"Yeah, okay. Go ahead. Give me your best fatherly speech about how I'm ruining the best thing I've ever had. Tell me how much of a moron I'm being and how I should just suck it up. It's not like I haven't heard it all already." A pregnant pause had Hope momentarily wondering if they'd lost connection.

_"I just wanted to ask you one question. Are you sure?"_

"Not completely, no, but… I can't keep doing this. Something has to change, and if this is it, then… I don't want to lose her, but I don't feel like I really have her anymore anyway."

_"Alright."_

Hope blinked once, twice, and then pulled the phone away from his face, staring at it like it had malfunctioned. "Alright?" he asked, bringing the cell back to his ear.

_"I don't want you to live an unhappy life, Hope. The one thing your mother and I have always wanted for you was to be happy."_

Hope sucked in a sharp breath, but kept listening.

_"I know I put you and Nora through a lot when you were growing up. I enjoyed my job too much and valued my family too little. I can't speak for Lightning, but I can understand her side of things."_ A loud, crinkly sigh came through the receiver. _"Your mother threatened to leave me multiple times, and I think she really should have. Nora deserved much better. So did you."_

He remembered the fighting, the tears and the cold dinners. His mother usually made them wait to eat dinner until his father came home, but that was before she got tired of keeping her son up long after his bed time. There were mornings where he'd wake up to suitcases packed by the door. They were always gone when he went to bed, like they'd never been there at all.

_"I don't want you to go through what your mother went through. My grandchildren shouldn't have to live like you did. If a divorce stops the cycle, then so be it. I'll be here if you need me."_

Biting his lip, Hope tried not to get emotional. This was his _dad_. He never talked like this. "Thank you, I-" He gave a loud sniff, blaming his sudden runny nose on the high pollen count this season. "It means a lot, dad."

_"Anytime, son. Take care."_

"Yeah. Bye, dad."

Hope hung up and grabbed his bag. His half of the divorce papers laid on Maqui's desk in the corner and he stared at them for a few moments. In truth, he wasn't ready. Not to sign away his marriage. Not to work things out and stay. He didn't know what he wanted.

Maybe he would change his mind.

Maybe he wouldn't.


	3. For just one last evening

"I figured you weren't going to show up. It's late." Lightning watched him walk through the door from her perch on the couch. She'd been sitting there for longer than she cared to keep track of, her leg bouncing despite her best attempts to get it to stop and dinner probably charred in the oven. She looked him over, noticing the suitcase in his hand. Could she dare to think of that as a good sign?

He had shown up late. He couldn't dispute that. Lightning was even in her plush bathrobe, sitting on the couch looking exhausted from a long day. He probably didn't look much better. "Sorry, I-" He could say it was traffic, or a long shift at work. "I wasn't sure if I wanted to come here tonight."

Lightning nodded, choosing not to acknowledge the internal wound that comment had inflicted. "Well, you're here now."

"Yeah, um. Listen, Lightning, I… I don't want to bicker, but-"

"Good, because I don't either." Hope took a seat across from her and it was like a mirror image of how they'd been three days before, only she felt ten times more refreshed and determined than she had then. "I'm sorry, Hope. I've really failed here, haven't I?"

"Failed is a strong word, and not the one I would use." He sat forward, chin on his steepled fingers. "I just don't understand why. You love our kids. I know you do. Why would you treat them like this? They deserve better than this." His father's words came back to him and he realized that he was right. "You don't have to work so much that you miss out on their lives. On all of their special occasions. They're growing up too fast already and soon enough you will have worked through their whole childhood."

"It's not just about work, dammit!" Lightning's eyes widened at her outburst. "I'm sorry. I said we'd just talk."

"If it's not about work then… what is it?"

She looked up to see such a heartbreaking look of confusion on his face, eyes blazing with such a need to understand. She hated that he couldn't read her like he used to. Everything was so much easier when she didn't have to put her emotions into words. She used to be able to explain herself with a look alone. Now everything just got lost in translation, like they were both speaking entirely different tongues across oceans that couldn't be breached.

Lightning sat forward and leaned over the coffee table, bridging the gap until their lips met in a small, chaste kiss. She pulled back before he could respond. He looked shocked, but a familiar spark lit within his emerald irises. "Just wanted to make sure we could still understand that."

Hope pressed his lips together and shook his head, even more confused. "What's going on with you?"

Without another word, she stood, pulling off her robe and tossing it to the side. She watched his jaw fall ever so slightly, his eyes taking in her attire. She wanted to slap herself for this, she really did. This all _screamed_ desperate, like she was trying entirely too hard. It had been a long time since she had dressed up, especially for Hope alone. She'd never had to woo him before. Treading such new territory had her wanting to squirm.

Hope's gaze drifted along her body, over the small, dark purple dress that hugged her curves. It was simple, yet unbelievably attractive. Twelve years of marriage and three kids and Lightning still had the body she'd had when they first met. Well, she was a little curvier, but her work had always kept her strong and lean. Hope felt kind of guilty for not noticing sooner that she had dolled herself up. Her make-up was a little stronger and much less subtle than usual. _And how in the hell did I not notice the heels?_

Lightning could only take so much silence. "I made dinner." Hope's eyes snapped up to meet hers at her sudden statement. "I was hoping…" She wavered with her delivery, gaze drifting down to the shoes cramping her toes. This was stupid. It was embarrassing. This was her husband, for crying out loud. Why couldn't they just have a normal evening, with normal clothes, a normal dinner, and go to bed like normal people? _Normal people make gestures like this, too,_ the Serah in her head scolded. Maker, she couldn't believe this. All this time, all these years, and she'd never had to do this. "The kids are gone for the night." Taking Hope's hand, Lightning gently tugged her stupefied husband up off the couch, staring directly into his eyes as she spoke. "Hope Estheim, will you have dinner with me?"

At first, his mouth moved soundlessly, his brain trying to comprehend just what was going on. It wasn't like such a thing as a date with Lightning was new to Hope, and neither was the prospect of romance between them. Au contraire, they'd had their moments over the years. Their kids weren't just miraculously conceived and they'd gotten married for a reason. But their love life had begun to fizzle out in the last few years. A cold front had come in and settled, leaving them as husband and wife in name only. And even in their best moments, Lightning had never been so forward. It caught Hope off guard. She hadn't ever even been into dates much when they were _dating_. So this… _She's really trying, isn't she?_

He could see it in her strained features, the subtle hope lighting her eyes. She'd dressed up for him. She'd cooked for him. She was asking him to dinner. If Lightning wanted to romance him, then he couldn't find a reason why he shouldn't let her. "Now how could I say no to such an invitation?"

The smile that accompanied his response made her feel instantly lighter and she let her own smile cross her lips. She couldn't remember the last time she had seen him smile like that, with one that lit up his entire face just for her. Where his eyes practically sparkled with happiness and the hardened creases between his brows and at the corners of his eyes softened with carelessness. It was almost ridiculous how much that lone action made her so giddy.

He let her lead him into the kitchen, but he paused in the doorway. The table was set with their best linen cloth they used for special occasions, and their dishes and silverware that was reserved for holidays and fancy dinners, such as when Hope had work friends over. There were even candles that Lightning was trying to quickly light before getting the food out of the oven. He bit his lip, wondering what world he'd stumbled into.

"Dinner's probably stiff and lukewarm by now, but it's dinner."

His heart sunk at the disappointment in her tone. He felt like a complete ass now for showing up an hour and a half late. "I'm sorry. I didn't know." He tried to help her collect the food, but she shooed him away with a dismissive wave. He sat in his chair instead and waited as she served him a plate. "It smells amazing, Lightning. What is it we're having?"

"Cheesy chicken and zucchini parmesan."

Hope blinked. She'd combined two of his favorite foods. _She really_ is _trying. But…_ She set his plate down in front of him and he stared down at it curiously. It looked exactly like what she'd said it was. It smelled just the way it should have. _But…_

Lightning took notice of his bewilderment. "Should I be insulted?" She meant it to come out jokingly, but her insecurity had it coming out way harsher than she'd meant.

"No! I just!" He blinked again, staring down at his plate like it had three heads. _Or like it should have had three heads._

"Serah helped… a little," she muttered, more than a little annoyed at her lack of cooking prowess. "Okay, maybe a lot."

He chuckled lightly. Of course Serah was in on the whole thing. He shouldn't have expected anything less from their tight bond. "Thank you, Lightning. This looks delicious." He took a bite. It definitely had been sitting for too long, but other than that Hope found that he quite enjoyed it. He was about to give another compliment when Lightning bolted up from her seat. She walked out of the room and was back in an instant, a bottle of wine in hand. "What's this?"

"I think it's about time we opened this. Tonight's as good a night as any."

His eyes glimpsed the label, recognizing it as the red Bordeaux they'd received from Snow and Serah as a wedding gift. She filled his glass and then her own before placing the bottle in the middle between them. She was about to sit back down when a flicker of remembrance crossed her gaze and she dashed over to the corner of the kitchen. He rose a brow at their little stereo that Lightning was fiddling with. It was usually kept in the living room, but as the soft beginnings of a violin filled the air, Hope realized why it'd been moved. "We played this at our wedding."

Lightning felt her heart skip at his recollection. Then again, this was Hope. Sappy Hope always remembered such details. She gave a small shrug, like it wasn't a big deal, like she hadn't been planning their dinner for hours. She went to leave for something else when Hope caught her by the hand.

"Please, whatever it is, I'm sure it's unnecessary. All of this is already more than enough, Lightning."

_No, it really isn't._ She tried to keep herself from falling into her self-deprecating hole, from thinking of just how much irreparable damage she'd inflicted upon her husband. Hope's gentle hold on her hand helped to buoy her mood.

"Aren't we supposed to be eating, you know, together?" She gave a snort and sat down at the other end of the table. "Really, I think I'm a bit overwhelmed here. And I feel woefully underdressed, but to be fair I wasn't given much warning."

"I think you're fine as is." After all, his uniform had always been tailored to his body quite nicely. Any of his suits made him look too stuffy and far older than his youthful gaze and energetic personality should allow.

Hope smiled. "This is wonderful. The food is great and the music is… is this the entire playlist from our wedding?"

"All too cliché for my taste," she replied with a nod, "but I have a lot of anniversaries and lost time to make up for." She took a sip of her wine to hide the rush of heat making its way to her cheeks.

He chewed his food thoughtfully for a moment and set his utensils down. "When was the last time we were intimate? Can you even remember?"

Lightning rose a brow. "A few months isn't that lo-"

"I'm not talking about sex, Lightning. I'm talking about this, right here." Dinners and dates alone. Nights where they spent the entire time thinking only of themselves, of the memories and feelings that made their relationship. Even he couldn't recall, and it saddened him greatly. "Our children need their mom, yes. But I also need my wife."

She ducked her head down, fork picking idly at her food. She'd been foolish enough to think that they could avoid their fight for the rest of the night, but doing so wouldn't fix things. If she wanted to mend the deep gashes in their marriage, she would have to accept their existence first. "I realize that. This… is kind of my way of showing you that I can do better. I _intend_ to do better."

"I don't know how this happened… this… rift between us. We had our kids and maintained our jobs and somehow we lost track of us."

Lightning didn't respond, only stared down at her food as they ate. The silence passed for longer than she would have liked, but maybe quiet contemplation was what they needed. Besides, why did the quiet have to be a bad thing? Since when had she developed such an aversion to a purposeful silence between the two of them?

Hope finished his glass before pouring himself another one. He hesitated after his first sip, glass poised at his lips. "As much as I'd like to enjoy the night with my wife, I can't ignore what's happening. I can't just sit here and forget all that's been said and done."

"I don't expect you to. I said earlier that we would talk. So let's talk." She set down her own glass, rested her weighted gaze upon him from across the table. Sitting there, she felt so far away from him. There was only an approximate distance of five feet between them, but to her, they might as well have been galaxies apart. "Why are you so determined to leave me?"

"I'm not. I'm trying-"

"If you were really trying you would have been here for dinner, not hours late because you had to think about it."

"It wasn't _hours_ , I was only-"

"You would have come to me with our problems instead of going to some lawyer."

"You weren't listening-"

"You wouldn't be threatening to break our family apart!" Lightning finished with a yell, her fist punctuating her sentence as she slammed it down against the table. Her anger flashed into an instant wildfire, soaring to unbelievable heights in a matter of moments, before a heavy gust of awareness blew it all away, only smoldering embers left behind. " _Shit_." She brought a hand to her forehead, her shame hidden behind her palm.

She knew better than to let her anger get ahold of her. _What the hell am I doing?_ This wasn't how things were supposed to go. Hope was supposed to see that she could do better. That she was willing to right her mistakes, fix her faults, and be better. All she succeeded in doing was give him more ammunition.

She was just so angry, so upset. He hadn't talked to her. He didn't even try to mend what was wrong. He was running away from their problems, instead of facing them.

But wasn't that what she'd been doing all along? Taking extra shifts. Taking on more of the heavy assignments. Ignoring her home to fight out in the real world. It was easy, being the soldier. When she stepped into that uniform, she knew exactly what to do, an automatic mindset taking over. But as a mom, she felt so lost, like everything she did was wrong. Every time Skye got a bad grade or Faith got hurt or Defiance was having more of her speech problems, she felt that it was an exact reflection of her poor parenting.

Hope was different. He'd taken to being a father like it was his destiny. He handled their children with such ease, gave them love with every meal, every bed time story, every word of advice. He put every attempt of hers to shame. And maybe that was what this was really about. Maybe he was tired of having a woman that was only good on the battlefield, and worthless around the house.

If they were no longer together, he could find a better wife. One that wouldn't make him compromise so much of his life for the sake of their children. Just the thought of that made Lightning feel sick.

Hope watched as her shoulders began to tremble and began to make his way over to her.

The moment he set his hand on her shoulder, she tensed, ready to bark at him to get off. All complaints died in her throat as he knelt down beside her, heart open through his gaze. He waited patiently for her to collect herself, and for that she was very grateful.

By the time she turned back to him, minutes had passed like hours, and still she didn't know what to say. How was she supposed to put such complex feelings into words? Why was it still so damn hard to be open and honest with her husband? With herself?

"I just want to understand."

"Heh, so do I." She ran a napkin beneath her nose and cursed the tears balancing on her lashes. "I guess it comes down to… I don't want to be a bad mother." Ironic, she supposed, given her current situation. "You know my mom wasn't the best role model. It's the reason I don't speak about her much. Neither of us do."

Knowing that she was referring to Serah, Hope kept quiet, studying the linoleum. It was another testament to the deep bond the Farron sisters held. Their past was theirs alone. That didn't mean that Hope didn't know the gist of the story. Lightning didn't talk about it much, this was true, but that didn't mean that she didn't talk about it at all. "You're nothing like your mother."

"I wasn't, but I am now." She glanced off to the side, eye contact with him being just a tad too much for her as she spoke of such an old vulnerability. "After dad died, Serah and I didn't have someone there for the little moments. Not dinners, or school events. It was hard enough to find her when we needed a grade report signed or when a parent teacher conference came up." An ancient bitterness sat like venom on her tongue, poisoning every memory she had of her mother. "Even with birthdays it was like mom couldn't stomach being there or just didn't want to." She huffed out a ruthless, self-loathing chuckle. "I guess even after three kids, I'm still no better. I still don't know how to be a mom."

Hope's gentle hold on her shoulder slid down her arm until he clasped her hand in his so it was no longer clenching the bottom of her dress. "I remember when I used to feel the same way. That I didn't, couldn't, know how to be a dad. "

"Please, you're like the perfect father, Hope."

He warmed to the compliment, but was kind of annoyed by it too. Everyone told him that, but it wasn't like he felt that way. It wasn't like he didn't still have doubts, or second guess many of his decisions. "When you first told me you were pregnant with Skye, I didn't know what to do. All I could think about was how I was going to mess everything up."

"You said you were happy…"

"And I was!" Hope quickly added before he could make Lightning feel any more insecure. "But that doesn't mean that I wasn't still scared out of my mind. I was going to be a father! I was going to be responsible for the life of another human being. I could hardly take care of myself, and I was going to have a little family on my shoulders." He smiled at the memory, at the fondness he'd felt despite the panic. "I don't think that fear ever really goes away, but you learn to channel it to make yourself better. And if you're talking about role models, it's not like my dad was someone to brag about. I was determined to not be like him. I was going to be a father that was there. That cared with every breath he took, instead of only showing his love with presents in his absence."

"You aren't your father."

"No, I'm not. But I won't be like my mother, either. I waited for years for her to leave my dad. At some point, I stopped wishing they'd stay together and wished that they'd finally break apart. It was too hard, and I won't put my children through it. I won't put _myself_ through it."

The roseate jumped up as Hope finished, her hands scrambling to empty off the table. "I figured that after dinner we could-"

"Lightning-"

"Please," Lightning whispered, her back to him as the plates shook in her palms. She was done with the fighting and the talks that just dissolved into confessions of how hopeless their marriage was. The night was supposed to be a celebration of them, not another step towards their denouement. "Can we just have tonight?" Her words were quiet, strained with emotion even as she didn't let it show on her features.

The pleading tones to her voice had Hope pausing, giving her question a moment of true contemplation. He was used to this, the feeling of wanting to give up. Throwing in the towel was what he usually did when he and Lightning came to an impasse. It was why so much time had been allowed to pass while he waited for something to change. Why he'd decided that this time was going to be different. He wasn't going to let her dismiss him this time.

But this wasn't exactly the same, was it? This wasn't Lightning's usual play. She usually erected a wall, outright refusing to acknowledge how wrong everything was. Or she would find some small way to placate him. It would only be temporary. A small vacation with the kids, her work falling into a calculated calm that allowed her to be home a little more for a couple of months, or maybe her being more attentive to him and the kids.

When the storm had passed and Hope could no longer stomach the arguments, she would revert back to normal. And Hope would be too worn down to care anymore.

This time around, Lightning seemed to finally get what was at stake. She was really trying. Not just for the sake of their family, but for the sake of their marriage. She was the one chasing him down this time. She was the one attempting to draw him back in with grand gestures and fond memories of the past.

And it wasn't like he didn't miss her. He loved Lightning with all of his heart. Twelve years of marriage, fourteen years together, and it was like she was a piece of him now. It killed him every time he felt that piece being torn away. Doing it himself was like bringing himself back from the grave just to die once more.

And suddenly he felt it again. That same raging exhaustion that made him throw his hands up. That same affection and hopeless love that dulled all of his other emotions down better than any SSRI. He wanted to spend a night with Lightning, uncomplicated and unfettered from past mistakes. To let her be his rock again. His happiness and peace in the chaotic reality that was life.

"Tonight," he said. He took Lightning's hand and turned her around, his other hand soon coming to her waist. "But I don't know about tomorrow…"

Bringing her other hand to rest on his shoulder, Lightning gave a calming sigh, a slight smile tilting the corners of her lips. "That's all I ask." Before she could even register the action, they were suddenly moving to the song that slipped through the speakers. She laughed lightly as she hadn't even noticed that the same song they had danced to at their wedding had begun playing. Tightening her hold on Hope, she laid her head on his chest, allowing him to lead her through those same steps they had made all those years ago. Time passed by in an instant, and even in the compact space of their kitchen, with the soft thrum of his heart beating in her ear, she could almost imagine that they were moving as one in the middle of that dance floor. As if they never left.

"I made dessert. But it kind of-" Hope spun her beneath his outstretched arm before spinning her back into his chest. Lightning glanced over to the sink, prompting the silveret to do the same. "-burned in the oven."

He couldn't stop the laughter that was freed from his throat as his eyes met the charred form of what he could assume was their 'dessert'. "As the dutiful husband, I'd say it looks great, dear… but-" She cut him off with a playful jab to the ribs, embarrassed laughter slipping passed her lips even as she tried to keep him pinned with a stern eye.

"That'll be all from you."

"What were you even trying to make?" She muttered something under her breath, the words much too hushed for him to catch. "What was that?" he asked, amused.

"Brownies," she said, cheeks puffed in indignation. "You happy, now? I tried to make brownies. Serah assured me it was simple. 'Just add some cocoa powder here, some eggs there, pop them into the oven and _voila_ , brownies.' Simple, my ass."

"Voila, huh?" Hope went to inspect the supposed dessert and was met with what one would expect from his wife's handiwork in the kitchen, a mound of charred chocolate decorating their sink. Cooking, and even baking, was not Lightning's forte.

As her husband's eyes glanced into the sink once more, Lightning felt her insecurities build up again. This had to be one of the many reasons he was leaving her. She couldn't even manage to make brownies for him. _Brownies_ , for Etro's sake. Serah had successfully made her first batch of brownies when she was _nine_ , could bake just about anything by the following spring. She didn't even have to look at recipes by the time she was twelve. _That_ was what wives were made of. They could bake brownies, shuffle their kids off to school on time, gossip with the neighbor ladies, sew patches on a girl scout vest, record one of their kid's baseball games, have dinner ready with a twitch of their nose, rock their husbands' worlds in the bedroom and still have enough time at the end of the day to paint their nails while ironing the laundry.

But that wasn't what Lightning was made of.

Hope could practically see her thoughts darkening as if a tiny raincloud had appeared above her head. "Aw, it's not so bad. It looks a lot like the pet rock I had when I was seven."

"Great. Why don't we give it a name?" Lightning said more than asked, sarcasm dripping from her words.

Putting a reassuring arm around her shoulders, he smiled down fondly into the sink. "Wonderful idea. How about Ember? Or Cinder? Oh, I know! Charcoal! Coal, for short." Hope jerked as Lightning's body began shaking in his hold, her face falling into her palm. Fearing the worst, he quickly tried to correct himself. "I'm sorry, Lightning. It's really not a big deal. Please don't cry. Why don't we try making some new ones?" The sound of harsh chuckling met his ears and he realized that his wife didn't need consoling at all.

She dropped her hand as her laughs quieted. Her eyes sparkled with renewed amusement as she looked at her idiot of a husband. "You're such an ass." Relief flooded his features as a smile touched his lips. "And I'd actually like that." His brow crinkled with confusion so she clarified. "Making new ones. Together."

Hope smiled that smile again, and Lightning felt herself nearly swoon. _Damn him and that charming smile of his._ She remembered how he used to share that smile with her almost every day. Now she would do just about anything to see even a small upturn of his lips.

"Let me grab my apron."

Hope trotted off to the closet as Lightning snorted. She couldn't believe he still actually used that thing. It had been a gag gift from Fang and Vanille one Christmas. It was a vibrant pink with 'Queen of the Kitchen' emblazoned in multicolored rhinestones across the chest. Instead of getting offended, Hope laughed it off, saying he would always cherish it and wear it whenever in the kitchen. Everyone thought he'd been kidding. Five years and that thing was like another member of their family.

Hope reentered the room, apron now securely fastened on his person. Lightning couldn't help but poke fun, even if the jokes had long since gone stale. "Maybe that's what I'm missing. I need a fashion disaster as my good luck charm."

"Ha. Ha." Hope deadpanned before pouting. "I thought I was your good luck charm."

"And yet I still suck at cooking."

"Hey, I said good luck charm. I'm not a miracle worker."

Together they set out on their newest endeavor, baking brownies. Hope did most of the work with Lightning on assist, but it was still nice. Lightning found she could probably learn to enjoy baking, if it was with him by her side. She was left to stir the chocolate mixture on the stove while Hope gathered the rest of the ingredients into a mixing bowl. Instead of keeping her attention on the bubbling chocolate before her, she found herself watching her husband work.

As he focused so intently on the task before him, she couldn't help but admire the man. Entranced by his movements, she watched his slender hands skillfully and easily set to work, saw his careless smile take over his face, and listened as he lightly hummed to the soft tune drifting through the speakers. It was like he was glowing; such a lively enthusiasm had taken over him and Lightning realized that she missed this. She missed seeing her husband at his most vibrant. It was this radiant countenance, this magnetic spirit, that drew her to him in the first place. That and his striking determination he held towards every task he undertook.

A powdered white took over her vision and she found herself coughing on the substance as it invaded her lungs. She wiped the offending powder from her face and glared over at her husband, noting the smirk upon his stunning features. "Did you just throw flour at me?"

"Well, you weren't answering, so…" he rubbed some of the left over ingredient between his fingertips, "I had to get your attention somehow. We wouldn't want you burning anything else, would we?"

Lightning growled low in her throat, taking the pot off the stove and turning off the burner before moving in on her husband with a playful grin on her lips. "You're entering dangerous territory, Estheim," she replied, picking up the cocoa powder.

He laughed. "I think I'll take my chances." He tossed another sprinkle of flour in her direction, chuckling as it fell over her face.

She crinkled her nose, trying not to sneeze.

"Oh, it's on."


	4. Just one last night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, dear… Oh, dear. Oh, dear, what did I just write?
> 
> So… amongst everything here, there is a lemon. A rather, ahem, explicit lemon, which I know not everyone is down for, so it will be separated by a ~ if you wish to skip it. For those of you that do read it, I hope it's alright. I haven't published many sex scenes and most of them have been brief encounters. Be sure to let me know. I'll just be hiding behind my hands the entire time.
> 
> Despite my first sentence, I'm rather pleased with how this turned out. I hope you all are, too, but don't spare me. I enjoy honest opinions even if they crush my fragile heart. So, please, enjoy and comment!
> 
> *This is the end of the story, but there will probably be a bonus/flash forward chapter come summer. Let me know if you're interested!*

They both dissolved into puddles of laughter on the floor. Their clothes, along with nearly every surface in the kitchen, were splattered and stained with the evidence of their good-natured food fight. Hope could feel the egg crusting on his face as he panted and chuckled from his place beside the counter. He was on his back, his chest heaving in quick breaths as he laid with his limbs splayed out beside him. Lightning laid perpendicular to him, a tired smile on her face as she flipped herself over onto her stomach, her head propped up on her hands as she rested on her elbows. He took her expression in, the relaxed air that had taken over his usually tense wife, and felt leagues lighter. There was flour caught in the creases of her face and her hair was streaked with batter, but in that moment, she couldn't have looked more beautiful.

Hope dropped his gaze as he let his head fall back to the floor. He laughed again, this time at the overwhelming aroma of chocolate in the air. "I can't believe you threw cocoa powder at me. Do you know how expensive that container was?"

Lightning gave him a dull look. "Do you know how expensive this dress was?" she asked in a dry tone, gesturing down at herself and the very evident grease spots that were no doubt stained into the fabric. "Let's not forget who started this lovely match."

Hope winced. "I'm sorry. I really wasn't thinking we'd get _this_ messy." He looked down at himself only to cringe even more. His apron had taken the brunt of the damage, but his own outfit had taken some heavy hits as well. "I only just got last week's experiment's disaster out of my coat two days ago."

The roseate just swiped her bangs to the side. "It's alright. It was fun."

The admission, as mundane as it was, made Hope feel even warmer and he gave his wife a wide grin. "Looks like neither of us should be making brownies anytime soon." A part of the product of their hard work laid next to him on the ground, mocking him with its gelatinous form. He gave it a pout like it was its fault that it hadn't become the mouthwatering concoction he'd foreseen it being.

Lightning simply sighed, disappointed. "We were supposed to eat them together out under the stars." It had been a central part of her plan, to wind down with some romantic time out stargazing while they shared their dessert. She'd set out their two chairs and everything, a table at each side with candles ready to be lit. Hope loved stargazing, and she'd wanted to share that love with him again. A handful of years had passed since the two of them had shared that view. Hope used to take her out to do it in their early years. But then she stopped accepting his invitations. He stopped asking.

Touched by the thought, and recognizing the sentiment behind it, he was determined to not let her plan be ruined by his impulsive actions. "Well, we can still enjoy the stars." He reached out his arm towards Lightning and opened his palm to her. "Together."

Lightning instantly laced their fingers together, giving his hand a tight squeeze. They made their way up off of the floor. Lightning's heel slid in some of the brownie sludge beneath her feet and tipped her forward. Hope caught her before she could fall, his strong arms enveloping her and righting her on her feet. She smiled up at him despite the embarrassment flushing her cheeks. "This… is not going to be fun to clean up." Her brows furrowed as Hope brought a hand to his forehead, his face pinched. "You alright there, Hope?"

An uneasy chuckle slipped passed his lips as he swayed after letting Lightning go. He brought a hand down on the counter to steady himself. "I'm good. Just a little tipsy, I suppose." His unfocused gaze settled on her form as she gave him a lopsided smirk. "Don't look at me like that."

"As predictable as ever. Still can't handle a good wine." She shook her head at his state. Thinking back to the last time they drank a full-bodied wine that had about as much alcohol as flavor, Lightning held a hand to her mouth to stifle her amusement. He had become completely inebriated with only two drinks. Unfortunate for him, considering they had been at a benefit for the Academy at the time. Hope still turned sour anytime anyone brought up his drunken show that night. "Are you going to belt out a song for me now, too?" she teased.

Hope's face reddened in no time flat. He was going to pay for that incident forever, it seemed. " _God_ , everyone acts like I can't hold my liquor because of _one freaking time_. It's-"

Lightning knew his next words before they were even out of his mouth."-just the wine! I can drink Fang under the table with any other alcohol," she finished with Hope's characteristic whine. She looked back at him with a smug smile. His answering glare was gold.

"It's true. Don't act like I can't take you on with your favorite vodka or whiskey," he stated with a self-satisfied sniff.

"Yeah. Yeah." She took him by the shoulders and turned him to face their sliding glass door as they slowly made their way to the backyard. Her fingers slipped up his apron to untie its strings as they walked, soon taking it from him and tossing it to the side. "Let's get you some fresh air, champ."

"You're only mocking me because it's true." He ignored her snort as he stumbled outside. He breathed in the air as soon as it became available, before letting it out in a content sigh. "Much nicer." Looking behind him, he found Lightning was no longer there supporting him. He turned, hearing her flicking on a flame to light the candles that sat beside their two lawn chairs. "More candles?"

"I fucked up the brownies, so it's only fair."

Hope huffed in amusement as he made his way over to his seat. "Yes, candles are a perfect substitute." Planting himself in his chair, Hope allowed his gaze to take in the view. It was truly perfect. The air was calm and cool, drifting over him with the gentlest of touches. The sky was a dusky, deep blue, the moon's brilliance absent, allowing the stars to dominate the sky on their own. The only light around them was the soft glow of their candles and the blue lights of their neighbors' reflecting off of the pool in front of him.

He'd just tilted his head back and closed his eyes when he felt a weight settle into his side. Opening one of his eyelids, he peeked down to watch as Lightning shifted on top of him. "Something wrong with your chair?"

She shrugged. "I like this spot better." She'd debated with herself as she'd lit the wicks. She'd felt so at home in Hope's arms, so complete. It was like they were finding each other again and she didn't want to feel any more distance. No more oceans. No more foreign tongues. She was growing exceptionally weary of the separation, even if she was no more than four feet from him. She felt cold on her own, every cell in her body shivering in loneliness. She didn't like it. In order to be as close as possible to Hope, she slipped in next to him on his chair, draping a careless arm and leg over him. "You want me to move?"

"Nah." He brought his arm around her and pulled her in closer. "I like this better, too." Her scent, of lavender and honey oils, mixed in with the air beneath his nose and he drew it in deeply, intoxicated. Feeling a renewed sense of intimacy, he rubbed his hand against her back as he gazed up. A quiet descended over them, comfortable in nature, instead of the usual electrified tension he'd come to expect in her presence.

"So, isn't this about the time where you start seducing me with your star language?" She let her leg drift along his slowly, her eyes glancing up as mischief danced in her irises.

He gave an awkward cough. "I really used to do that?"

"Yup. On our first date, you wouldn't shut up about each and every constellation that existed, even the ones we couldn't see."

"Yeah, well," his free hand came up to rub the back of his neck. "I think that was just the nerves. I couldn't even look at you without feeling like my heart was going to burst, so I chose to look up instead. Then I had nothing to talk about because I was so anxious and I was worried that if I was quiet for too long you would get fed up and leave, so I talked about the first thing that came to mind. The stars."

"You had nothing to worry about." She squeezed him tighter in their embrace, noticing the vulnerability making its way into his expression. "I found it endearing. How'd you get so into them in the first place?"

Hope felt a tightening in his chest as he thought of the many nights of his childhood he'd spent out with his telescope, staring at anything he could spot in the vast sky above him. "My mom," he whispered, the words trembling with emotion. "My mom was an astronomy major in school, did you know that?" Lightning shook her head, her hair tickling his chin. "Yeah, she never got to do anything with her degree. She married my dad right out of college, had me shortly after. I always blamed myself for her not attaining her dreams." Lightning's hand rubbed against his chest, soothing him, but she kept quiet. "She spent a lot of time teaching me the things she learned. She told me one night that it was the best thing she could have done with her education, sharing it with the person she loved the most."

Lightning stared out across the water of their pool, watching the little flickers of candle light dance along its surface. It was always hard hearing about Hope's mother. Not just because the topic caused her husband so much pain, but because it brought up a subject that she wasn't quite comfortable with. From what she'd heard, Nora had been an exceptionally good mother, the gold standard, in her opinion. But the woman only highlighted how horrible her own mother had been. And now, how bad of a mother she was with her own children.

A watery chuckle startled her out of her thoughts and she looked up to see tears balancing on Hope's lashes. He tried to wipe away the evidence of his sorrow quickly, an apology tumbling out in an awkward mumble. "Don't get embarrassed." She gently pushed his hand away, staring at his now reddened face. "I like listening to you talk about your mother. I wish I could have met her." Even if hearing about the woman only fed her feelings of inadequacy, she couldn't help but wonder what it would have been like to know the woman that had raised the love of her life. _Do you think she would have liked me, Hope? Would she have accepted a women like me into her family? Would she have trusted her son to me?_

"I wish you could have met her, too." He smiled down at her, new tears running down his cheeks before he tried to swipe them away again. "And now I'm getting all emotional."

"S'okay. I like you like that, too," she comforted him with a pat to the chest.

They spent a good while just staring up into the celestial dome above them. They held onto each other, the passing minutes drifting by them as easily as air. He refrained from talking in his 'star language', as Lightning called it, preferring to just bask in a simple moment with his wife. "I've missed this," Hope stated, a whisper in the air, as if speaking too loudly could pop the fragile bubble they were suspended in. "I miss a lot of things about us."

"Like what?"

Hope hummed in thought. "I miss… the way you used to hug me from behind while I was cooking."

"Really? It's never something I thought about. I just… did it."

"And I liked that. It was like you were showing me your appreciation or wanted to be close to me. It made me feel special."

Lightning considered that for a moment. There was never that much thought behind the action. Sometimes, especially when he'd been lost in his world in the kitchen, she would feel like wrapping her arms around his waist and pressing herself against his back. She didn't think it was something Hope liked, certainly not something he missed.

"What about you?"

 _Everything…_ There were a lot of things she missed, when she cared to give the question thought. "I miss our family trips to visit my parents." An innocent admission, no risk involved in the sentence - she didn't feel like prying her heart open too far.

They used to visit the cemetery on a random Sunday every month, something they began as a couple when Hope had insisted that he wanted to meet her parents. They continued to go even after their children were born, so they could see their grandparents, too. They visited Nora's grave, as well, but not as often since Palumpolum was a decent distance away.

"Ah, I liked that, too. Getting to pay my respects to your parents made me feel like I was a part of your family." Hope chewed on his lower lip, indenting his wandering thoughts into his flesh. "I…" he gave a small laugh, drumming his fingers on the chair and enjoying their little jaunt down memory lane, "miss how we used to go to the festival every year. You used to win the kids prizes at all of the stalls. That was always pretty impressive, if not a little intimidating."

Lightning smirked, pride tinging her features. She thought, emboldened by her spouse's encouraging expression. "I miss how you used to massage my ankles." She ducked her head down, somewhat embarrassed at how much she used to enjoy the gesture.

"Oh, yeah!" he exclaimed as remembrance lit up his eyes. "I used to do that when you were pregnant. It was like you couldn't hit your third trimester without your ankles instantly swelling."

"And you kept doing it, even after our kids were born." She pinched his side with a wry grin. "I was beginning to think you had a foot fetish or something."

Hope gaped down at her with a scandalized gasp. "No, I don't-didn't-don't-I wasn't-" Lightning looked like she was about to bust a gut and he realized that she was just teasing him. "Gah, whatever."

"Real convincing, Hope."

He rolled his eyes. "I knew how much you liked it, so I wanted to keep making you happy. You were working all the time after that so I… thought I could give you some relief every once in a while, you know?" She only continued to cackle into his shoulder and he clicked his tongue. "It's really not that funny, Light."

She froze and felt something slam into her heart with crushing force, like one of the stars overhead came crashing down into her body and she could only wait in the aftermath. That was her _name_. His nickname for her that she hadn't realized she missed. It had been so long since he had called her that. She couldn't even recall the last time she had heard it from him, and he'd said it so easily. Like it was just another day, back into their more gracious, happy times.

Lightning glanced back up at her husband, his green hues focused on her, and felt emotion surge throughout her body. There were a lot of things she missed. Feeling such potent emotions was one of them.

"You know what else I miss?" She slid herself over the man to straddle his hips, her hands gripping the lapels of his work coat. "Feeling you inside me." She punctuated her sentence with a deep kiss that seared their mouths together. Hope took a bit to respond, too stunned by her words, she assumed. His brain only lagged for a brief second before he succumbed to the cushion of her lips and the weight of her tongue, his hands sliding along her waist. Her fingers drifted up to his hair, twining into the argentate strands as she pulled him closer, deepening their kiss, their tongues dancing together effortlessly.

Hope got a moment to breathe as Lightning pulled back, his gaze connecting with blue irises that turned a smoldering azure. "Yeah," he agreed, more than a little breathless after only one kiss, "I miss th- _that_ -" His words were caught in a stuttered moan as Lightning ground her hips down into him, the simple action tripping his thoughts. His head hit the back of the chair as Lightning began to nip and bite along the tender skin of his neck. Meeting her movements, he gave himself over to the dull, yet powerful sensations as the wicker let out a continuous cracking noise beneath them.

Spurred on by her husband's reactions, she continued to trail small bites on his neck before she stopped at the base of his throat, sucking a possessive impression into his skin. Fingertips slid down the other side of his neck, pressing firmly so she could feel the quickening of his pulse, his arousal evident by his heart's racing palpitations as well as the hardening length between her legs. Hope's pleasure only served to turn her on even more and she pulled her head back up to meet his lips again.

She could feel Hope's hands all over her, gripping her hips, grabbing her ass, caressing her thighs. She hummed her appreciation into his mouth as his hands drifted along her thighs, a gentle touch that caused her whole body to shiver in anticipation. Excitement awakened within her eyes, her eyelids flickering as he fingered the line of her underwear. A daring fingertip slid up beneath the fabric, teasing the skin of her hip.

Lightning's kisses grew more heated, more fervent. Hope tried to keep up as lips and tongues and teeth met sloppily, her hands grasping his shoulders in a grip that nearly hurt. His erection ached within the confines of his clothes, urging him to speed up the pace with his wife. But Hope ignored the need. He slowed them down, grasping her naked side beneath her dress and coaxing their rhythm to ease into a slow rock. He drew his mouth away from Lightning, though she was loath to let him go.

"We should stop. This isn't exactly a private setting." She ignored his comment and dived in for another kiss. Hope turned his head and gave a loud laugh as her lips smacked against his cheek instead. "C'mon, babe. Do we really want to put on a show for our neighbors?"

The roseate huffed and slowed her hips to a stop, but she still moved in to undo his clothes. "Who cares? Let them see." Hope looked appalled as she tugged off his tie and threw it over her shoulder. "Too bad we don't live closer to Elida. I'd love for her to see this, how I make you feel." As if to accentuate her point, she bucked her hips into him once more, causing Hope's eyes to close as he groaned.

His wife's possessive nature should not have inspired such a jolt of pleasure within him.

He relented, giving up on speaking for the time being. Lightning went in to tackle Hope's Academy jacket, cursing as she pulled on all of his pointless clasps. "Who designed this thing?" she muttered and Hope snickered above her. Despite her complaints, deft fingers handled them with ease until she was sliding the coat from his shoulders. It met the ground beside his tie. When that was finally accomplished, she pulled him back in by his shirt collar, meeting his eyes with a look of challenge. "What was it you were laughing at?" She kissed him slowly and sucked ardently on his lower lip. All he could do was grumble into her mouth until she let him free.

He met her look with a lust-filled grin. "At how damned adorable you are even when stripping me of my clothes." Lightning looked like she was going to protest, but was immediately halted as Hope began his own assault on her neck. His hands had just begun their ascent beneath her dress again when the clearing of a throat sounded from beyond their yard.

They tore themselves away from each other, eyes wide and horrified as they looked over to see one of their neighbors staring at them from the height of a second story balcony. Hope's cheeks instantly flamed and he brought his hands back to himself. If his heart had been racing before, it was completely frozen in mortification now. The awareness of their very open display of affection hit him with even harsher ferocity, and he wished that he had listened to himself rather than his libido.

He somehow found his voice, though it was shaky and startled. "H-Hello, there, Mrs. Renald. Fine weather, eh?" He ignored Lightning's raised brow as she side-eyed him for his lame comment. At least he was saying something.

The older woman wasn't amused as she crossed her arms and stared down her nose at them like they were two teenagers caught in the back of their car on a school night. She pushed her glasses up and pursed her lips in an obvious show of disapproval. "I'll see you on Monday, Mr. Estheim." She retreated back into her home, slamming the sliding door closed behind her and snapping the curtains shut.

Lightning all out laughed into his chest and Hope glowered down at her. "I told you."

She waved him off, but conceded with a nod. "What-" she couldn't quite get it out as a few more chuckles bubbled out, "What did she mean by 'see you on Monday'?"

His expression soured. "We carpool for our kids and work." She obviously found that even more hilarious as she snorted, but she at least had the grace to look apologetic.

"Sorry. That's going to be awful. Renald's a nag on a normal day."

"Well, at least it wasn't the Ballads. I don't think I could have stomached another neighborly barbecue if they'd caught us." Hope warily peaked around his wife's form to check on said neighbors' house. The entire place was eclipsed in the silence of night, much to his relief.

"Caius would have just walked off and ignored it. His fiancé, though… she would have announced it to the entire neighborhood, just for fun."

"Mhm, that sounds like Z."

"So," Lightning began, scooting herself up further on Hope's lap with a purposeful jolt that had Hope hardening back up almost instantly. "Should we take this inside?" she spoke in his ear, teeth nibbling at his ear lobe.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They fell away from each other quickly, but it was hard to ignore the way their bodies cried out for each other at the moment of separation. Both went to blow out the candles on their respective sides. It took Hope more than one breath since he was remarkably short on air. He blew once, twice, and finally the third time did the trick.

Then Lightning was back on him again, kissing him and pulling him back into the house by his belt loops with an urgency that was hard to keep up with. She tugged open his shirt, each button popping with a quick flick of her wrist until it hung open, allowing her access. Hope's breath hitched in her mouth as her cold fingers smoothed down his bare chest, her nails a light scrape against his skin. He kissed her harder as they continued further into the kitchen. Both of them were too tangled in each other to watch where they were going, tripping and sliding in the mess they'd made before. They stopped as Lightning's lower back bumped into the island counter, but it hardly slowed them down.

A pleased sound rattled up her rib cage until it burst raw from her throat as Hope hefted her up onto the counter top. He trailed open-mouthed kisses on her skin, licking the flour from her face to dissolve on his tongue. His hands dove beneath her dress again, thumbs hooked into her underwear in a promise of where things would go. And she wanted it. _Gods_ , she wanted him. But his hands remained steady, unmoving from their position.

Hope paused, gasping out heated breaths onto her shoulder. "Contrary to my actions, I don't think the counter is a suitable place for this, either."

Lightning growled back at him in displeasure. "You think _way_ too much." She couldn't believe he still had enough of a hold on his faculties to contemplate the room they were in. She obviously wasn't doing her job right. In one move, she swiped off everything from the counter, bowls, cups, plates and food crashing to the floor in her haste to feel him.

"Lightni-"

She didn't let him finish her name, or think about the consequences of her actions, before she connected their mouths together, her tongue massaging the roof of his mouth. "Now," she took one of his hands from her hip and guided it down between her legs, a rush of heat filling her as his fingertips rubbed against her, "are you going to get me out of my clothes, or not?"

Hope's fingers twitched before they began a more firm glide against her. He chuckled, low in her ear as her hands groped his backside. "Always in such a rush." He kissed her slowly, deliberately, teasing a whine out of her as his fingers buried themselves beneath lace to feel along her folds. " _Light_ ," he blew her name along her collarbone, fluttering kisses down her neck and shoulder. She moaned back in response, her pupils blown as she dazedly stared at him. He could feel her need for him singing in her irises, slick on his fingers, and his own need boiled hotly beneath his skin, crying out for her as well. But right now wasn't about him. He eased her back until she laid confused on the counter, his fingers momentarily slipping out of her.

"Maker, Hope," she said in strained exasperation, glaring up at the ceiling. "What do I have to do to get you to- hah- _ahhh_ " Further protests were lost to his tongue as he tasted her, his head now buried between her thighs. She'd been so caught up in her frustration that she hadn't noticed him pushing her dress up and ducking his head down, lace now dangling from her ankle. She knew now what he'd wanted as he pinned her to the counter, his hands slipping under her thighs to lift her legs over his shoulders. Her head hit the counter with a dull thunk as she gave herself to Hope's talented tongue. The counter was cold beneath her, a stark contrast to how impossibly hot she felt, her body radiating enough heat to practically rival the sun. Her fingers scrambled along the granite as she failed to find something to hold onto, something to keep her grounded as her mind began to float out into the atmosphere. When Hope's fingers joined his tongue, her hips bucked and she dove her hand down into his silver tresses with a harsh gasp. " _Yes_ , Hope…. Mmmm, _fuck_ , yes…"

His name rolling off her lips with such unadulterated lust encouraged him further, a tight zing shooting up his spine. Hope let two fingers feel the depth of her softness, his thumb toying at her peak. His mouth kissed and sucked small bites into her thighs, marking his desire on her flesh. He gave a sharp cry as Lightning dug her foot into his shoulder blade and he eased back with a laugh. At least he could tell she was feeling it with how embedded her sharp, and admittedly painful, heel was into his back. Lightning's eyes were closed, so he patted her knee to gain her attention. "Light, heels." She glanced down at him, her chest quaking, before she wordlessly rotated her ankles to waggle them off. They clacked down somewhere onto the floor. Hope gave a small thanks before going back in to run his tongue along her in appreciation.

She felt drunk and intoxicated by his practiced touches and the slow exploration of his teeth and tongue. His smooth ministrations were like a reverent prayer seeping slowly into her skin and she writhed in the face of it. No other man had ever made her feel like that, so thoroughly loved and worshipped. She didn't think anyone else could. When Hope crooked his fingers and sucked down on her with intention, she lost whatever grip on reality she had thus maintained. Waves of pleasure crashed over her until she remained limp and boneless on the shore.

Hope stood up, a cheeky smile plastered on his features. "Enjoy yourself?"

"Don't get cute," she managed.

"I'm always cute."

"Tsk." The back of her hand came up to swipe the sweat from her brow before she heaved her body up, leveraging herself with a hand at the back of his neck. "We'll see how cute you are when you're screaming beneath me." Her grin turned sly as Hope couldn't seem to form words, his eyes glazed over with barely contained arousal. She hopped down and drew their mouths together. Her legs were wobbly beneath her, but Hope held her up as his fingers curled into the fabric of her dress.

When she could feel the muscles in her legs again, she led him out of the room, their tongues still firmly intertwined. Hope stumbled as he walked backwards, but he hardly cast a thought toward his steps or where they were headed. He let her guide him until she none-too-gently shoved him back against the hallway wall just outside of their bedroom. The sharp edge of a picture frame stabbed into his back, but this was a pain he could ignore as Lightning dropped down in front of him.

To get him back for his previous comments, Lightning took her sweet time undressing him. She brought his zipper down tooth by agonizing tooth, drawing his anticipation out into a taut string too tight to be played. She dragged his pants down at a pace to match the zipper, making Hope chuff in annoyance.

"So mean to me," he whined, staring down at the crown of Lightning's head with narrowed eyes. "I wasn't nearly this mean to you." She was hardly moved by his complaints, but relented by cupping him through his boxers. His voice shattered back into his chest, thundering against his ribs as she rubbed and tugged him. He didn't want to give into her cocky smirk, but she handled him perfectly, an expert in the same way he was with her, the product of years of devoted learning. He bit down hard into his lip when Lightning began to mouth his boxers, tonguing the fabric until she finally set him free. She tugged his underwear down to meet his pants at his ankles and gripped onto his exposed manhood, nipping along his shaft.

Lightning actually enjoyed this. It was something that baffled her sister, who had never taken to oral sex the way she had. It made her feel powerful, having Hope crumble from her hands and mouth alone. She loved giving her all to please him, this act showing him that she enjoyed getting him off as much as she enjoyed her own orgasms. It fueled her, knowing that she was the one causing his expression to twist with carnal desire, that she was the one he was letting out little whimpers for. Her and only her. She licked a long stripe up his shaft, tonguing the ridge and sucking on his head in a way that had him shaking. One of her hands laid passively on his stomach, feeling his muscles spasm, abs twitching and tensing for her. She took him firmly into her mouth, her other hand looking to overwhelm him as it massaged his balls, one finger drifting sensually along the soft skin of his perineum. His answering groan shook her down to her core and she gripped him tighter.

Hope's legs began to hurt with the effort to stay standing. He leaned heavily on the wall, his shoulder knocking into another frame that he neglected to catch as it clattered to the floor. He tried not to slip, his legs spread for his wife. He stared down at her, watching the deeply erotic show that Lightning put on for him. Lightning liked it when he watched. She'd told him before, confident and naked after one of their romps in their early years, that watching his expression while she sucked him off was one of her favorite past times. Their eyes met as her eyelashes fluttered and he felt his insides coil. He let out a light hiss, words not quite succinct enough, but he tried. "L-L-L _ight_ ," she sucked harder on him, answering him with tighter suction which was _not_ what he needed. "P-Please, I'm-" His hands clenched the ends of his shirt that still clung to his sweat-slicked shoulders. Any more and he was going to tip over the edge. He didn't want that. Well, yes, he very much did, but not yet. It couldn't be over yet.

Sensing his end nearing, Lightning pulled back and granted him mercy. She slid up his trembling body, pleased to find him so thoroughly wrecked. "Well, it's not quite screaming, but we haven't made it to the bedroom."

Hope could only breathe out a rough exhalation at that, a rush of air colliding between them as Lightning breathed heavily into him as well. They stood there, drinking in each other until Hope could more adequately move.

They lost the rest of their clothing shortly after entering their room. They came together on the bed, a reckless toss of limbs and mismatched kisses. So deeply entrenched in each other, they were, that they didn't care for much else. The only light on in the room was the one on Hope's bedside table, a subtle illumination that caught a fourth of the surrounding area. Half shrouded in darkness, they gazed upon each other's naked forms.

Hope lied on his side, hovering slightly over Lightning who was splayed on her back, delighted by his wandering fingertips. He stroked down her stomach, tracing her scars and the stretch marks that streaked her abdomen like lightning strikes. "So beautiful," he couldn't help but mutter, awed by the woman at his side. "So absolutely gorgeous."

She shoved him lightly, but allowed him to continue his exploration. His touches were all so achingly familiar, yet there was a newness to them, born out of their slow separation. He kissed her before his lips drifted down, kissing her sternum, a delicate brush of lips between her breasts. Her breathing quickened as he took her breast in his mouth, his fingers still gently gliding against her abdomen. Not one to be outdone, she reciprocated the feeling onto him, licking his weak spot behind his ear as her hands traced the curves and dips of his torso, traveling along toned muscles and unblemished skin.

He chuckled at her competitiveness. Biting at the underside of her breast, he gave just the barest graze of teeth in a way that he knew drove Lightning wild. Her hands scrabbled predictably against his back, her nails sinking vengefully into his spine.

"Now, that's-" she was forced to stop as a weak willed moan came forth, but she locked it behind her teeth, "playing dirty." Legs coming up to bracket his hips, she gripped him with her thighs to easily tip them over. She grinned triumphantly down at him, his stunned face flushed deeply, his hair tousled and unkempt. "Much better." She slid her hand back down his torso, through the silver hair beneath his navel, until she unceremoniously gripped his length, watching his face contort, lip caught between perfect teeth. She began a slow descent upon him, but was once again halted by an all-too-conscious hand on her side.

"Lightning, I know…" It killed him to do this. He could hear his body screaming at his mind, threatening him with bloody murder should he say anything stupid, smart, _wise_. Right, he was trying to be wise. This wasn't a good idea. He wasn't the timeliest in voicing his objections, but he had to. "This isn't right. Sex during disagreements- during whatever it is we're doing…" His voice was hoarse, and he didn't look at Lightning, though that was hard considering she was hovering over him, an expansive presence that took up his entire view, his whole world. He wasn't even able to speak coherently with the way she was still holding onto him. "We c-clearly still need to settle things and this will-will only cloud our judgement."

"More advice?" she hissed.

He nearly flinched when she spoke. It took him a moment to realize that the bite to her words wasn't out of anger, but insecurity. He finally looked up at her and saw that Lightning was barely holding herself up, expression stressed and streaked with hurt.

She tried not to think too much into it. That Hope was thinking back to their problems while possibly referring to _that woman_ when in their bed. That Hope was focused on leaving her instead of enjoying their time together. That Hope didn't want her.

She let him go, but didn't move away. He put his hands on her hips, resting her weight on his thighs. There were a million ways she could have responded, not many of them kind. With a dry throat and a chipped ego, she settled with, "You said we had tonight."

Hope could feel all of Lightning in those five words. He doffed the last of his sense, tossing it away to meet their clothing on the floor. He sat up and kissed her fiercely, hands clawing at her skin like he could tear away all of the ugly emotions he'd made her feel. He did this to himself. He did this to them. He gave a startled shout as Lightning pushed him back down and suddenly impaled herself on him. He mindlessly reached for her, his mind a haze of _tight, so perfect, holy Etro, Light_ , but was stopped as Lightning pinned his wrists to the mattress and held them there as she moved. There was no waiting, no adjustment, no time to even think, just feel. All movement and action and cresting emotion.

Lightning had always been an aggressive lover, but this was different. There was no real roughness, or desperation, or even playfulness. Her movements were fervent, but gentled with feeling, her hands sliding from his wrists to lace their fingers. She kissed him, all over him, laving his skin with her needs and painting him with endearments. Hope basked in the feeling of actually being desired, of feeling sexy again. It had been too long since they'd let themselves come together like this. Even the last few times they'd made love hadn't been about love at all. It was just about getting off, letting off steam, hard and fast, until it was over and they were back to their separate sides of the bed. Back to their separate lives.

Lightning focused on the feel of him, beneath her, inside of her, a part of her. Everything else floated away, far away to where she couldn't think about it. All there was in that bed was her and Hope, together, woven, inseparable. Hope began to rock his hips up to meet her movements, both of them keeping steady like they were one functional unit. Breaths ragged from such intense stimulation, she didn't fight him when he pulled her down. Then she was on her back, beneath him, heavy puffs of air on her neck as his nose whispered along the column of her throat, like he was breathing her in. The heaviness of his body was familiar and comforting and so, so necessary. He changed their pace, one hand leveraged on the headboard, his other tucked beneath the small of her back. He pulled out slowly, before snapping his hips back fully into her and she cried out at the feeling of pure ecstasy that it inspired within her.

She wasn't usually the vocal one between the two of them, but she couldn't help it as Hope peeled her body open with pleasure. Everything tumbled out of her, secrets bared in moans, her insides exposed in a mantra of _Hope_ , his name etched into the air in one drawn out syllable. He picked up speed and she tightened her legs around him, wanting more even as he couldn't possibly venture any deeper. Her hand clenched the pillow beside her head, tugging on it as she writhed.

"Hng, Light _ning_ … _Light…"_

Hope was right there with her. Through it all. As he always was. It was so exquisite and tender and she could feel everything good and perfect about their love flow through her with every rock and shift. But there was also something else there, something bitter and wrong that had her pulling Hope in closer, her nails digging into his back as if she could keep him in her grasp forever.

Lightning bit into his neck, hard, and Hope's face fell into the mattress as he groaned. His muscles burned deliciously as he worked to satisfy her and convey all of his pent up love into their coupling. He was drowning himself in Lightning, losing himself in the tides until there was no air, just a darkness, keen on keeping him under. There was a moment, a gasp of breath and the sight of sky as they paused to flip again, before he was pulled back under, adrift beneath his wife.

They continued their dance, swirling in a mind-altering haze that stole the last of their sanity. It was all they could do to move, taste, _feel_. Their love found through action and heady lust. They gripped onto each other, both crying out the others name until they were toes curling, flying over the edge, breathless.

Lightning flopped off of him, too tired to laugh as Hope curled into her, nuzzling into her neck. Their panting breaths filled the room, the ending notes dying out into the air. Her consciousness faded easily as she laid in her husband's arms, his sleepy grumblings a welcome thrum in her ear. His warmth enveloped her, and she couldn't remember why she had ever felt cold.

The light remained on as night gave way to morning.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

* * *

Hope woke first. They'd drifted apart in their sleep, but Lightning's head was still on his outstretched arm, wisps of her hair tickling his skin. He stared at her face, eyes tracing the contours, counting her eyelashes, chuckling at the batter still embedded into roseate tresses, until he felt the urgent need to pull away. He was careful, taking his time to heave his exhausted body up and replace his arm with a pillow beneath Lightning's head.

He showered, scrubbing off everything but the love bites on his neck, the teeth marks on his hip bones, and the subtle bruising around his waist from Lightning's powerful legs. Lightning's impressions on him remained, from his skin down deep into his soul. She was always there, stained into him. Compared to everything else, the ring on his finger was a flimsy representation of what they were to each other.

He dressed quickly. Lightning was awake now, bleary and sleep-fogged, but she was on the phone, turned away from him. He heard one too many 'yes sirs' slip from her mouth and he carried himself from the room, unwanted, not needed.

He made his way to the kitchen, taking one look before putting a hand over his eyes in embarrassment. It was a _disaster_. Like his resolve. He cleaned it up, the dishes, the food, their clothing, and he triple checked that no one was out and about to see into their backyard as he snatched up his coat and tie and herded in all of the candles.

When it was all tidy and child-friendly, the picture frames even righted in the hallway, Hope settled himself outside on their front stoop. He needed to get back outside, suck in some air, and realign himself. Their house smelled too much of her and _them_ that he couldn't think. Only when he was outside of it did he remember what had gotten them to their lowest. The previous night had been a dream. An all-encompassing, fantastic dream that Hope wanted to retreat back into. But reality crashed back into him, stormy winds swiping away their careful creation, leaving only a rocky, eroded foundation behind.

_I love you, Light. That has never changed. This is what I want from us, what we were, what we had… but this… I can't trust this._

When he made it back to the room, it was quiet. He thought maybe Lightning had gone back to sleep, but a glance at the bed proved to him otherwise. She was sitting up, curled in on herself, phone still kept in a tight possession. Worry drew him in, and he stepped toward her.

"You okay?" She didn't say anything. She just shook, her body vibrating with an emotion he couldn't clearly make out from her hunched form. "Lightning?"

She sat forward abruptly and threw the phone. He realized late that it wasn't her phone that she'd thrown, but his own smacking against the wall and cracking against the floor. He couldn't even process his feelings of astonishment, irritation, anger, because her eyes were on him, an icy tundra freezing him at his core.

"You're looking at apartments!?"

Her tone contradicted the look, fragile even as it was screamed out raw. He knew it wasn't what he should say, but it came out regardless. "You were on my phone?"

Lightning shook and quaked and raged with anger, because it was better than sobbing into a pillow. She wrapped the sheets tightly around herself, already too vulnerable. She didn't want to add being naked to the mix. She felt dirty. She felt tricked and played. And Hope, all proper and perfect in his sweater and pressed khakis, had made her the fool. "Sorry if I didn't think that answering my husband's cell was a big deal. Now, you want to explain to me why a landlord called you? Wanting to push the _showing_ up an hour?" Her words grew ferocious, biting and gnawing at the air between them. "Were you even going to tell me!? I don't even get to know that my _husband_ is moving? That he was just planning to fuck me and run!?" She was crying now, she could feel the quick trail on her cheeks, see it in Hope's reactions.

"That's not fair, Lightning."

" _What_ isn't fair? How would you fucking feel if you were in my shoes?"

Hope tried to step towards her, but she ripped herself away from him. He resigned himself to the distance, just another chasm disrupting the Earth. "I've had it set up for a week, now. I didn't plan on… this when I went looking. And I'm just looking at it. I have feelers out at a few places."

He said it like it was supposed to make her feel better. "I thought you said you weren't leaving. Or was that just a bunch of bull, too?" She didn't let him answer, though he didn't look like he was about to. "Or maybe this is just a part of the ploy, too, hm? Make a big show so I have no choice but to grovel to get you to stay. So I quit and become your little housewife. You never liked my job. This is probably just another one of your twisted manipulations to get me to quit."

He stared back hard at her, more than a little enraged at the accusation, his entire body fatigued by the same argument. "I told you that this isn't about that. Your job is only a part of the equation, Lightning, and I wouldn't want you to be a housewife. I never wanted that for you!"

"Why, because I wouldn't be good enough? Right, sorry, I forgot, that's your job. You can be the flawless househusband and still have a career." She threw the sheets away from her and stormed towards her dresser, slamming drawers as she collected her clothing. She needed a shower, but they were into it now. And they were finishing it. Right here. Right now. "Why don't we get into that now, too? You always used to throw your position in my face, the great Director Estheim-"

"I did _not_ -"

"So now you're going to punish me for the position and promotion you never got to take because of our kids? Because of my decisions and my career?"

"First of all," Hope snapped, moving so he could be in Lightning's line of vision, making her see how infuriated her accusations were making him, "we made the decisions together. I didn't suggest otherwise. Second, I don't regret turning down my offers and promotions, but I would like to be shown a little appreciation every once and a while for the sacrifices I've made over the years. Is it too much for me to ask you to make some sacrifices, too?"

Dressed, she shut the last drawer so hard that the dresser banged against the wall, rattling their picture frames. "Don't get me started on sacrifices. You don't even know what I do, what I put up with. You don't know-"

"No, I don't. You never tell me anything! You criticize me for my inadequate communication skills, but it's like prying teeth to get you to talk about your day."

"Much of my work is classified, Hope."

"So? A lot of mine's classified, too, but I still tell you about the unclassified parts. When I see you, that is."

"It's boring and trivial, otherwise."

"Excuses," Hope rebuked, frustration pouring off of him. "You just don't want to. Sometimes I wonder if you ever even care about my existence. What am I except a caretaker, housekeeper and bed warmer?"

Lightning's head snapped up, expression a tangled mess of creases and harsh lines. She had to force herself to stay in her spot, to ball up everything she felt and lock it away within her. She couldn't really make him feel that small, could she? There was no way. He was so much more than that to her, to their family. Her voice came out softer this time, eyes trained on the floor, hands kept resolutely on her hips. "You don't mean that." Hope sighed like he was holding the world on his shoulders.

"How would you know? You're not even here enough to know who your husband is anymore."

That one stung, but she took it.

"It's obvious that you're not happy here, Lightning. Not as a wife or a mother. I don't know if this is some kind of midlife crisis or what, but- It's not even just that you're at work all the time. I know it's not. You choose to go drinking with your soldier buddies and out to gatherings instead of coming home." Lightning looked at him like he wasn't supposed to know about that. He supposed that he wasn't. "You don't even ever ask me to hang out with you and your friends, like you're ashamed of me, or something."

She ran a hand through the fringe of her bangs, tugging on them, wishing they were long enough to hide inside. "I'm not ashamed of you. I'm allowed to spend time with my friends and be my own person. Besides, can you blame me when Cid's there? You're always on my ass about him-"

"Like you are with Elida?" He took offense, so he barked back, not letting her finish. "Couldn't even have one night where she didn't come up unnecessarily. And you accused me of having an affair."

"So did you."

"Just because you did first!" That sounded stupid and Hope curled his tongue back up before winding up for another go. "It's not like I actually meant it. Should I have?"

She glared at him, glad for the distance. "If you think that I would stoop so low, then we really do have problems."

"At least you're admitting it now. Guess this whole _ploy_ had a good outcome, after all. I wonder what will happen if I actually move out?" He definitely hadn't meant that, but it got a reaction all the same. Lightning advanced on him and Hope stumbled over himself retreating backwards until his back hit the wall. Her gaze was dark with something he didn't like and he held out a hand to stop her before she got too close, before she did something she couldn't take back. " _Lightning_."

Lightning's every nerve felt singed by his careless words. The man was playing with pure fire, and she hated him for it. She'd nearly lost it on Hope's phone, hearing that he had already been planning to leave. She hadn't meant to throw his phone or rile him up into a fight, but it happened, like her standing there, intimidating her husband into a corner.

When she took notice of the hand, the way it trembled, and the way he'd said her name like it was a coming tidal wave, an unstoppable force that he could only succumb to the whims of, she felt devastation in its cruelest form. She thought she'd felt it before, with the lawyer, with their fighting, but this…

"You _do_ fear me…" She took blind, numb steps back and away from him. She sat on the bed when she came across it, needing some sort of support beneath her. Her husband was afraid of her. He was practically shaking against the wall because of her. She brought a hand up to her face, crying and gasping into it. "I don't want to hurt you, Hope. I never wanted to actually hurt you. You have to know that."

Hope stepped away from the wall. He didn't mean to cause her such grief. He just reacted. After the knife, and the actual physical strike, as small as it was, he wasn't sure what to expect anymore. "I do know that, Lightning. You don't want to hurt me, but you are. We're hurting each other." They were slowly stifling each other. Continuously jabbing at the other until one of them would be left maimed beyond repair. "We're hurting each other and it has to stop. I don't want to do this anymore so I'm getting out." He thought back to his mother's suitcases by the door, the intention behind them. He wasn't going to put his own away, out of sight, out of mind. He was sticking to his resolve, even if it wasn't the right thing to do.

Lightning brought her hand down, staring at him. Her tears were pure pain, but there was an understanding there that had never been there before. "I don't want you to leave, Hope."

That was new, too. Hope blinked, before a sad smile came to his face, his own tears forming. "We need some space, Lightning. Maybe not a divorce, but… some separation. We'll take some time to figure ourselves out, learn what it's like to be ourselves again and see if we truly want to be together." He knelt before her, taking her hands in his, his thumb gliding across her ring. "Maybe with some time and eventual counseling, we'll be like we were, again." He was startled to see Lightning shaking her head, though she came in to kiss him.

"No, we'll be better," she spoke with unwavering certainty. This wasn't their ending, just a new beginning. She could do this, for him, for them. There was damage in their marriage, in their family, and it needed to be mended. Both of them needed to figure out what they wanted. They could get through this, like they had everything else. They weren't falling apart, they were learning to heal. "Together for eternity, right?"

Hope gasped out a laugh, mirthless, but sincere. "I hope so, Light." Their hands held tight together, an unbreakable bond in the face of adversity. They stayed like that, keeping each other up until there was a knock at the door, signifying their kids' return.

Lightning pulled herself away to get it, wiping her eyes and righting her clothes. He watched her go, staring after her retreating back. He put on a makeshift smile for his children before making his way out after her.

"I hope so."


End file.
